Justin Bieber and the Secret War Against Music
I'm not sure we can.
But there are four potential saviors we can turn to for help.
1. Gotye: With Adele on the shelf with that whole pregnancy thing, we need a new voice that both the young and old can rally around. Gotye may seem like a weird choice, but consider this: the success of "Somebody That I Used To Know" is what kept Bieber's "Boyfriend" out of the top spot on the Billboard Hot 100. Can he replicate that success on the eve of a new Bieber single? I'm crossing me fingers.
2/3. Paul McCartney & Bruce Springsteen: You didn't really buy that curfew excuse did you? The Canadian powers that be quickly realized would happen to their plans if England's greatest pop songwriter and the embodiment of working-class rock were to join forces for more than a few songs. We're not sure what favors they had to call in to get the plug pulled, but I hope the two legends won't call it quits just yet.
3. Flux Pavilion: Bieber may be the sound conductor, but Joshua Steele has a bass cannon. Sometimes the only thing you can do is fight fire with fire. And really, no genre of music has more to lose to this Canadian plot than EDM. You can't be the music of the future if there is no future.
Justin Bieber returns to Houston on October 30. Talk about Marilyn Manson and Rob Zombie all you want, but the real evil in town that night will be at the Toyota Center. Maybe you already have tickets for the show. Maybe you think this whole thing is the work of a crazy person. Maybe you're right.
But if you absolutely must go to this show, take my advice: protect your ears.
Follow Rocks Off on Facebook and on Twitter at @HPRocksOff.