Justin Bieber's Believe: Dubstep, Dick Talk, Nicki Minaj & Exactly One Good Song
I am not looking for sympathy because I took it upon myself. I did this so you wouldn't have to, though if you are cool enough to read our blog, the thought of listening to Justin Bieber's Believe wasn't on your agenda today, tomorrow, or probably ever. Unless you have a tween daughters, and an iron stomach.
Here is a track by track breakdown. I will say this, he's got some female issues, and not the fun "too many girls, too little time!" kind. More of the "chicks are possessions" kind, that actually makes the album more offensive and immature than you would think.
"All Around the World": You know it's bad when I can listen to an album and imagine in my head what the stage set will look like, or the dancers hanging from trapezes and everyone wearing flags from all around the world as party gear. There may even be colored people onstage with Justin too. Oh good, Ludacris is here and he's calling him and JB the "dynamic duo".
"Boyfriend": How is "chilling by the fire eating fondue" not a meme yet? Plus, the message here is basically "DON'T FUCKING LEAVE BECAUSE I WILL BUY YOU SHIT. SWAG." I wanna believe that Justin has this secret side life as a member of Odd Future and he smokes weed and listens to Sonic Youth with Tyler, The Creator but pop music in 2012 is no fairy-tale world.
"As Long as You Love Me": As long as you love Justin, you guys can be starving and homeless. Digging the chicks as possession jazz here. Young girls need to know that they must depend on strapping lads like Justin to take their hands and wipe their asses.
Of course the king of respecting women, Big Sean, comes by for a few verses to say that he would rather work shit out with one girl than start with another. So stay in those dead-end relationships. It ALWAYS works out. The grass is green where you water it, sez Big Sean.
"Catching Feelings": Justin is starting to feel special things for a childhood friend, I assume chronicling how he hollered first at Selena Gomez. He's too young but he's catching feelings in his head.
"Take You": Yeah, take her Justin. Lay that pipe in the "senorita," you are an adult now. Ejaculate dubstep all over that "little lady" too. Enrique Iglesias is rolling in his grave.