The 4 Most Ridiculous Lies Rock Music Ever Told Me
I'm part of the MTV generation, which means from the moment I was born I not only heard rock and roll, I also saw it in all its glory. It was complete sensory inundation on multiple fronts, and with an attack that powerful there is just no defense against the tide of complete lies.
Music is an escape. I get that, and you won't hear any argument from me on the subject. However, years of overexposure have left me with a peculiar set of falsehoods about music and life that I am really just now unlearning.
So no matter how many times you hear these ideas in a tune or see them in a video or read them in a magazine, know that they are just not in any way true. They are merely the fantasies of rock stars designed to get you to buy their music or make themselves look cooler.
This is the first one you should immediately call bullshit on. How many songs have you heard extolling the idea that a certain level of celebrity somehow makes you immortal? One of my favorites is the Kinks' "Celluloid Heroes," a song about celebrity immortality that states right there in the lyrics that even famous people can be forgotten no matter how many stars on Hollywood Boulevard they have.
I realize it's a comforting idea to rock stars who fear their own decline in popularity or their own death, but in the end everyone needs to grow up about it. Even icons like Jim Morrison and Elvis will one day be forgotten. Yet musicians keep on cranking out a gospel of everlasting glory. It's not real, and we all need to get over it.
Remember the first time you saw Bret Michaels belting out "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" in that classic video? No man could write something like that without honest and sincere heartbreak to drive such a tune.
I figured, I've come this far, why not ruin everything?
And you're right, Michaels did have a heartbreak. What happened? He was doing laundry one night, called his girlfriend Tracy Lewis and heard a male voice in the background. That's it.
Or take "Smells Like Teen Spirit," a song that defined a generation. It's literally about nothing. Kurt Cobain gave several different and contradictory inspirations over the years, and none of them make even the slightest bit of sense. The one that rings the truest is that he simply wanted to write a song that sounded kind of like the Pixies.
How about "Jumping Jack Flash" by the Rolling Stones? Keith Richards said it was about his gardener. So let's be clear, geniuses pull this stuff out of their asses all the time.