Southbound Pachyderm: A Mixtape For An Elephant

Categories: Miles-tones

Elephants are awesome. Science surely has a more in depth way of expressing mankind's fondness for our giant pachyderm friends, but, "Elephants are awesome" does the trick just fine.

I postulate that if you don't like elephants then you must be a terrorist. Scratch that -- even terrorists like elephants. I know because I asked Yahoo! answers and got the above.

It was on this day way back in 1796, when America wasn't even old enough to drink, that the first elephant was introduced to our shores. He came in the care of a man with the Skyrim-worthy name of Captain Jacob Crowninshield.

The Captain had purchased the elephant in India for $450, and brought him to New York City as an attraction. The unnamed animal was the longest running, single animal exhibition in American history and toured all over the country until at least 1818. Audiences were charged a quarter a gander.

Nowadays, even the Renaissance Festival has elephant rides now. It's a big, old elephanty world folks, and to celebrate the day the USA first got in on the Loxondonta love I've made a mixtape of my favorite elephant songs. Anything else... would be irrelephant.

The Toy Dolls, "Nellie the Elephant": Olga and the Toy Dolls are still out there making their own bizarre brand of upbeat punk music, even after all these years. God bless them, "Nellie" was their only real hit, and even then only in the UK. Until recently, the chorus of the song was used to teach people the proper rhythm of CPR. Now, the more appropriately titled "Stayin' Alive" by the Bee Gees is used.

Muhammadali, "Elephant": Speaking of underrated geniuses who haven't received the recognition that they deserve, this is Houston's own Muhammadali off of their self-titled 2010 album. Before you go off an follow their advice to eat an elephant, you should know that a) you can only kill an elephant legally under very strict hunting laws; b) doing so runs you around $50,000 for the privilege; and c) it's not very good.

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