Gothic Council Stages Tim Burton Intervention
Tim Burton has become something of a trial to the goths of the world. On the one hand, his contribution to the sub-culture simply cannot be overstated. Films like Edward Scissorhands, Beetlejuice, and The Nightmare Before Christmas served as the gateway into the spooky side for many of us, and for that we remain eternally grateful.
That being said, he's become something of an embarrassment. He seems utterly incapable of tackling any sort of original thought anymore, and instead simply takes existing vehicles, and throws Johnny Depp, Danny Elfman, and Helena Bonham Carter at them until they are Burtonized.
Now he's doing Dark Shadows, and there is just no way this can be anything other than another depthless, stylized film aimed at the Hot Topic crowd. The time has come for the Gothic Council to stage an intervention, to go around the room and tell Tim how what he's doing with his career is hurting us.
Joining us this week is spooky dessertier Lynda Rouner, Becky Plexco of Morticia's Morgue, Jvstin Whitney from Church of Melkarth, stylist Carol Simmons, artist Darla Teagarden, co-founder of the Age of Decay festival Alethea Carr, DJ Martin Oldgoth, blogger at Night's Plutonian Shore Sarah Fanning, and living historian Morrighanne Burns.
Gothtopia: All right, everybody. Let's tell Tim where he's gone wrong.
Lynda Rouner: Don't forget to use the "I" statements. Example: I feel that Monkey Girl needs to go.
Gothtopia: That would be Lynda's name for Helena Bonham Carter. Why does she need to go?
Lynda Rouner: Because she's disgusting and talentless. Also, she's a skeezy whore.
Gothtopia: OK, that is a little sharper than we were planning for. Anyone else?
Becky Plexco: Tim, if you ruin my favorite vampire character ever, and the show that put me on the path to gothdom and Paganism with your remake of Dark Shadows, I shall make a bonfire of your DVDs in my backyard. And the "Barnabas as an elf" photos are scaring the crap out of me.
Jvstin Whitney: Batman was the only good movie you've ever made. Stop lying to yourself and everyone else.
Becky Plexco: Not true His slide into banality began with the Planet of the Apes remake. That's where I lost my "anything by Tim Burton" fever.
Jvstin Whitney: I can tell him whatever I want at his intervention!
Gothtopia: Guys, freakin' chill. I know it hurts, but let's try and keep this positive.