Dear Obama: You'd Make A Great Goth Musician

Dear President Barack H. Obama,

I want you to know that I am very impressed by your recent musical endeavors. While it's clear that you could use some practice and professional vocal coaching, it's equally clear that you possess more than enough raw talent to excel as a musician.

I know right now, with the country still in need and an election looming, your plate is too full to pursue a career in music in any significant way, but in between matters of state, we hope you'll find a spare minute or two to lay down some tracks.

Clearly, America has responded well to your song choices. Who doesn't love the Rev. Al Green, after all? However, I would like to put forth the idea that going the R&B route is a somewhat obvious move. You should shake things up. Perhaps you recall this statement you made at a LGBT fundraiser and reported in a totally legitimate and not at all satirical news outlet?

Supporting gay marriage might have been something I experimented with in college, but it was just a phase. We all go through phases like that, like my goth phase before that.

I implore you, on your debut album, to return to that goth phase. Just as African-Americans have been poorly represented in the office of President, so are they under-represented in goth music. Here is a chance for you to blaze a new trail, go where no one would expect, and show the deeper, more poetic side of your talent.

It may have been a while since your goth phase, so I took the liberty of suggesting some tracks for you to cover.

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Yeah Killing An Arab would have been much more apropos, but all in all I do not see (or should I say hear) this lauded voice of which you speak. Listening to his mundane voice actually dulls me to death, is that where his affinity for the darker side of life you allude to comes from? His ability to make us all want to commit suicide? I have a lust for life and this phony will not get me down! Dang, and there I was trying not to let my personal hatred for this man get in the way of my commentary, but he does bring out the worst in US after all! Great job Mr. President! Oh and btw Jef, your satire slays me seriously, great job my friend keep up the good work! (seriously, that was not sarcasm, great article!)


Good one, Jef.  I am now convinced there is much more to be salvaged from our dear President, (Lord) Obama (of the Night?), and though your Cure selection seems applicable, I am surprised you did not choose "Killing an Arab".

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