Dear Obama: You'd Make A Great Goth Musician
Dear President Barack H. Obama,
I want you to know that I am very impressed by your recent musical endeavors. While it's clear that you could use some practice and professional vocal coaching, it's equally clear that you possess more than enough raw talent to excel as a musician.
I know right now, with the country still in need and an election looming, your plate is too full to pursue a career in music in any significant way, but in between matters of state, we hope you'll find a spare minute or two to lay down some tracks.
Clearly, America has responded well to your song choices. Who doesn't love the Rev. Al Green, after all? However, I would like to put forth the idea that going the R&B route is a somewhat obvious move. You should shake things up. Perhaps you recall this statement you made at a LGBT fundraiser and reported in a totally legitimate and not at all satirical news outlet?
Supporting gay marriage might have been something I experimented with in college, but it was just a phase. We all go through phases like that, like my goth phase before that.
I implore you, on your debut album, to return to that goth phase. Just as African-Americans have been poorly represented in the office of President, so are they under-represented in goth music. Here is a chance for you to blaze a new trail, go where no one would expect, and show the deeper, more poetic side of your talent.
It may have been a while since your goth phase, so I took the liberty of suggesting some tracks for you to cover.