Ten Cruises We'd Rather Take Than the KISS Kruise

​Imagine a vacation where made-up members of your favorite glam rock band wander the decks of a cruise ship. Does that sound like heaven on earth? Well, glam boy, you're in luck as the second annual (yes, they've done one before this) KISS Kruise sets sail this October featuring that cuddly '70s powerhouse that just keeps on ticking.

We started thinking about what a cruise like that would entail. Sure, a young KISS in their prime probably would have rocked the house and brought with them a bevy of hot young ladies ready to rock and roll all night and party ev-a-ree day. But, now? At $750 per night, we're guessing most of the guests will be more interested in shuffleboard than "Cold Gin."

So, we put together a list of some cruises we think would be more fun or at least more interesting and imagined the promo teaser that might lead off the press release.

You wanna see this guy in a speedo?

​Wilco

Have you ever wondered what Jeff Tweedy in Bermuda shorts sunning himself near the swimming pool would look like? This is your chance to get up close and personal with the Wilco front man as he uncomfortably answers every ridiculously nuanced and detail-specific question you have about the band. Careful, the pastiness of those legs is blinding! Sunglasses recommended.

​Kanye West & Jay Z

You saw them on the Watch the Throne tour. Now set sail with them on an intimate cruise in the Florida Keys where you will be forced to endure countless rants from West while Jay Z sips his own brand of vodka mixed with Jigga-brand orange juice while wearing his signature line of swimwear. Special appearance by baby Blue Ivy, whose exclusive line of diapers are on sale in the gift shop.

​R. Kelly and Rihanna

Come on, rude boy (and girl)! This adults-only cruise is as hot as you might imagine. Sleep all day and orgy all night to the sultry sounds of R. Kelly and Rihanna. Baby oil and penicillin available upon request.

​Lady Gaga and Katy Perry

It's the ultimate battle of Katy Kats versus Little Monsters on this Survivor-style cruising experience. The fight to see which popstress has the most loyal and intense fans includes contests like meat dress construction, pin the tail on the pin-up and "TMZ Scandal," where teams from each camp try to diffuse the latest salacious rumors about our divas. Special guest, Perez Hilton, y'all!

Photo by Marc Brubaker

​Slayer and Cannibal Corpse

On this frigid winter cruise through the fjords of Scandinavia, cruisers can huddle for warmth around barrel bonfires set on the deck like some future apocalyptic wasteland while moshing themselves into oblivion. Special gift bags with t-shirts, CDs and other merch available to all survivors.