Ten Cruises We'd Rather Take Than the KISS Kruise

Categories: Lists

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Imagine a vacation where made-up members of your favorite glam rock band wander the decks of a cruise ship. Does that sound like heaven on earth? Well, glam boy, you're in luck as the second annual (yes, they've done one before this) KISS Kruise sets sail this October featuring that cuddly '70s powerhouse that just keeps on ticking.

We started thinking about what a cruise like that would entail. Sure, a young KISS in their prime probably would have rocked the house and brought with them a bevy of hot young ladies ready to rock and roll all night and party ev-a-ree day. But, now? At $750 per night, we're guessing most of the guests will be more interested in shuffleboard than "Cold Gin."

So, we put together a list of some cruises we think would be more fun or at least more interesting and imagined the promo teaser that might lead off the press release.


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You wanna see this guy in a speedo?
Wilco

Have you ever wondered what Jeff Tweedy in Bermuda shorts sunning himself near the swimming pool would look like? This is your chance to get up close and personal with the Wilco front man as he uncomfortably answers every ridiculously nuanced and detail-specific question you have about the band. Careful, the pastiness of those legs is blinding! Sunglasses recommended.


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Kanye West & Jay Z

You saw them on the Watch the Throne tour. Now set sail with them on an intimate cruise in the Florida Keys where you will be forced to endure countless rants from West while Jay Z sips his own brand of vodka mixed with Jigga-brand orange juice while wearing his signature line of swimwear. Special appearance by baby Blue Ivy, whose exclusive line of diapers are on sale in the gift shop.


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R. Kelly and Rihanna

Come on, rude boy (and girl)! This adults-only cruise is as hot as you might imagine. Sleep all day and orgy all night to the sultry sounds of R. Kelly and Rihanna. Baby oil and penicillin available upon request.


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Lady Gaga and Katy Perry

It's the ultimate battle of Katy Kats versus Little Monsters on this Survivor-style cruising experience. The fight to see which popstress has the most loyal and intense fans includes contests like meat dress construction, pin the tail on the pin-up and "TMZ Scandal," where teams from each camp try to diffuse the latest salacious rumors about our divas. Special guest, Perez Hilton, y'all!


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Photo by Marc Brubaker
Slayer and Cannibal Corpse

On this frigid winter cruise through the fjords of Scandinavia, cruisers can huddle for warmth around barrel bonfires set on the deck like some future apocalyptic wasteland while moshing themselves into oblivion. Special gift bags with t-shirts, CDs and other merch available to all survivors.


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14 comments
Nykissfaneternal
Nykissfaneternal

You could put all those acts one ship and it still wouldn't be as good as the KISSKRUISE!!!!! You also should have known that KISS fans will defend them to the end!!!! Find out how it really went down first by talking to the people who went before you post your bullshit!!!!

A KISS FAN
A KISS FAN

jeff blake must be a justin beiber fan sorry jeff theres no justin beiber cruise in the FUTURE he is GAY like u are don't knock the KISS KRUISE UNLESS U BEEN ON IT!!!!!

Techspert522
Techspert522

Are you REALLY that stupid or is it just an act? The price is NOT 750 a night, and it's 750 for the cabin foe all five days.. Though that is the least expensive cabin avaliable, with other larger ones costing up to almost four grand for all five days... As for shuffleboard, that may be your personal favorite thing to do on a cruise but those of us who were on the first kruise never had time to play the game because we were far too busy having FUN on the islands.... swimming, doing excursions like swimming with dolphins.. As for KISS themselves, they put on three awesome shows and mingled with the fans between shows.. (and no, they were not in costume at all times.). If you're gonna be a reporter, learn to get your facts straight before going to press.

Mr Pandora
Mr Pandora

I can think of alot of articles I would rather read also.  KISS is a force.

The Mahas
The Mahas

Ever heard of the Bruise Cruise? Get with it, Rocks Off.

Championshipvinyl73
Championshipvinyl73

shit, I'd consider sacraficing a particular oblong-shaped paired appendage to depart tomorrow on the Weezer cruise.  5 days od Weezer, Dinosaur Jr, Sebadoh, J.Mascis solo, Lou Barlow solo, Yuck, Gene Ween, The Antlers.....et alhttp://www.theweezercruise.com...

Mr Pandora
Mr Pandora

It is 750 for the whole cruise, not just one night

Dino
Dino

Or 70,000 Tons of Metal?

Jeff
Jeff

I know two people who have gone, actually.

Jeff
Jeff

Thanks for the heads up. Editor will fix this. 

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