Rocks Off Resolutions: How We Hope to Improve in 2012

Categories: Whatever

Basically, we resolve to be like this.
It seems like every year around this time, we start with the, "God, I need to lose weight" or "stop smoking" or "exercise more" or "stop murdering babies." It never seems to work and by March, we are back to our old, fat, smokey, lazy, baby murdering ways. It's a shame, really.

This year, Rocks Off decided we should put our resolutions in print pixels to remind everyone of what massive failures we are come March. We're kidding. We really want to point to this post and say, "See, I told you!" We're kind of petty that way.

So, enjoy our resolutions and don't laugh too hard if when we fall off the wagon. Oh, and tell us yours in the comments.


"In 2012 I resolve to keep not caring about what I listen to, or being ashamed of it, no matter how vulgar and vile it may be to more cultured sensibilities," Craig Hlavaty, assistant music editor said, clutching his monocle and holding a half-empty bottle of Faygo.

"I will continue to resolve to not feel awkward ending most of my work days with a double-shot of John Mayer and Sun Ra. I will continue to enjoy Creed, Nickelback, and most everything else that my job title silently dictates that I should not," Hlavaty continued, petting his beard like a sleeping poodle.

"I would still rather tear up during an acoustic version of "With Arms Wide Open" rather than white-person dance to "Pumped Up Kicks", he added.

Much later, after the close of business at the office, and after he had turned off the great Rocks Off turbines that help power the blog from day to day -- manned in part by gutter-stained orphans -- he pulled out his vinyl copy of Motorhead's Overkill. He watched the vinyl record spin on the turntable, letting his tears hit the black material like a great Spin Art machine.

"Fuck yah, bro," he whispered sweetly, looking off into the middle distance at a GG Allin bobblehead nodding in agreement. -- Craig Hlavaty

In 2012, I want to practice harder, write more, talk infrequently, organize better, care less, love deeper, smile often, eat healthy, exercise regularly, improvise often, plan accordingly, express creatively, drive slower, calm down, speed up, play louder, listen carefully, breathe slowly, read vigorously, drink responsibly(ish), dress nicer, starve obsession, feed passion, help gently, laugh recklessly, work smarter, get richer and, of course, hold on loosely. It's gonna be a helluva year. -- Jeff Balke

The only New Year's Resolution I have for this coming year is to try and be less awesome. Oh, also: I'd like to finish my first book (working on it now) and begin my second (working on that now too). I suppose those two are a tad contradictory. Whatevs. -- Shea Serrano

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