Beach Boys Reunite for New Album, Ensure Armageddon.

Categories: The End Is Nigh

Mason Lankford said, "There will come a day when we forget the Rapture ever even happened," but Rocks Off is keeping an eye out for signs of our impending Armageddon. We were wrong last time, but we're totally right this time!

Reagans_with_the_Beach_Boys from the white house photo office.jpg
White House Photo Office
The Beach Boys with Ronald and Nancy Reagan
In honor of their 50th anniversary the Beach Boys are reuniting in order to put out a brand new album and undertake a 50 city tour. Personally, we couldn't be more excited about something new from Brian Wilson and the crew. Pet Sounds has withstood the test of time as far as being considered one of the greatest albums of all time, and even George Martin admits that the Beatles' Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band was a an attempt to equal the brilliance of the album.

So, we have much to celebrate and look forward to, it's just sad that we aren't going to have long to do it because the full return of the Beach Boys is the sign we've been looking for to prove that the end is nigh.

As always, the answer lies clear as a white sand beach in the Book of Revelation. Here's Johnny:

And I stood upon the sand of the sea, and saw a beast rise up out of the sea, having seven heads and ten horns, and upon his horns ten crowns, and upon his heads the name of blasphemy.

And I saw one of his heads as it were wounded to death; and his deadly wound was healed: and all the world wondered after the beast.

-Rev. 13: 1 & 3

Got to tell you folks, never in the dozens of times we've predicted the end of the world has the scripture ever been so eerily accurate as this. "I stood on the shores of the sea?" How can that mean anything other than the band that brought to life the California beach lifestyle for all the rest of us to hear? Hell, we're willing to bet that more people in America have heard a Beach Boys song than have actually been to the ocean.

PetSoundsCover.jpg
The seven heads of the beast is a clear reference to the seven main members of the band, five founders and the two reunion replacements, David Marks and Bruce Johnston, for the lost Wilson brothers. The ten horns refer to the ten total members of the Beach Boys from over the years.

The wounded head that was healed points to the genius of Brian Wilson, whose crippling addictions and mental breakdowns seriously wounded the band's ability to create new material, and how he has overcome his demons to once again be able to craft songs of undeniable brilliance.

But the eeriest indicator comes at the end of 13th chapter. It's here that the part of Revelation everyone knows occurs. It describes the way in which we will know the beast, and the way is a number. The number of the beast is six hundred threescore and six, most commonly rendered as 666.

Check this: The first Beach Boys album, Surfin' Safari, came out in 1962. If you add the number of top 40 singles the band has produced, 36, you get 1998 (the year Carl Wilson lost his fight with cancer). Divide that number by the number of Wilson brothers in the Beach Boys, 3, and it comes out perfectly as 666.

Will any of us survive this sunny apocalypse? God only knows.

Blessed is he that readeth, and they that hear the words of this prophecy, and keep those things which are written therein: for the time is at hand.
-Rev 1:3
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2 comments
Doug
Doug

David Marks was an original member of the band. I wouldn't call him a "reunion replacement".

DuckDuckGoose
DuckDuckGoose

Well played snark. Now, how about talking about Music ?

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