Wyclef Jean Squanders Relief Funds, Heralds Apocalypse

Categories: The End Is Nigh

Mason Lankford said, "There will come a day when we forget the Rapture ever even happened," but Rocks Off is keeping an eye out for signs of our impending Armageddon. We were wrong last time, but we're totally right this time!

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Master Sgt. Jeremy Lock, USAF
It's been a while since we predicted the end of the world. Too busy living to get busy dying, you understand? Still, we saw something today that made us drag out the scrying pool and the Book O'Revelation.

Wyclef Jean is a man we've always liked, whether it's his solo work or his time with the Fugees. We knew that in addition to his excellent artistic endeavors he was a passionate supporter of Haiti, even running for president of the nation last year. He led the charge to raise funds to help the country after a devastating earthquake, collecting $16 million in donations for disaster relief.

However, a Sunday New York Post article investigated Jean's charity and found that less than a third of the funds actually made it to Haiti. Millions were spent on questionable contracts and at least one Florida firm that received $1 million does not appear to actually exist.

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Seher Sikandar
Jean's group had been on the receiving end of criticism about the way money was handled, and denied any allegation of wrongdoing in a January 2010 press conference. He has not yet made a statement regarding these latest accusations.

Not only does this possible wrongdoing on Jean's part sadden us, we realize that it's likely that the end of times is upon us.

First off, Jean is a derivative of John, so there's your connection to Revelation's author right there. Of course, going around accusing every Jean, John, or Juan of being a sign of the end of the world would be crazy... not that we're not going to do it anyway we just want to acknowledge it up front.

But it goes deeper than that. Wyclef Jean is an anagram for Fancy Jewel. Take a look at this.

And saying, Alas, alas, that great city, that was clothed in fine linen, and purple, and scarlet, and decked with gold, and precious stones, and pearls!

For in one hour so great riches is come to nought

-Rev. 18:16-17

Haiti provided many of the things mentioned in those passages, including textiles, gold, and pearls. However, the mines of Haiti produce no precious stones, and as such the reference can only be an allusion to Wyclef Jean as one of Haiti's treasures.

And indeed, it took less than an hour for the 2010 earthquake to bring the nation to its knees. It's estimated that over a million people were killed, injured, or made homeless by the disaster, and almost 300,000 buildings were destroyed.

Let's not forget that earthquakes themselves are a sign of the opening of the sixth seal.

Maybe we're trying to hard here, but the thought that Wyclef Jean might have spent the generosity of people elsewhere than on alleviating the sufferings of those for whom it was destined kind of makes us wish the end was nigh.

Blessed is he that readeth, and they that hear the words of this prophecy, and keep those things which are written therein: for the time is at hand.
-Rev 1:3
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5 comments
Rking8
Rking8

Sad for Haiti & Wyclef too.Sold his last music. The folks who book & the fans won't like this behavior.

MadMac
MadMac

IF it's true, it's more like he sold his soul.

MadMac
MadMac

"Maybe we're trying to hard here,"

Yes, you are. This article was poorly conceived and executed. It kinda smells of exploitation as well. 

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