French Onion Soup & Deathbugs: Our Nine Musical Turkeys Of 2011

Categories: Lists

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Photo By Marc Brubaker and Monica Fuentes
Danzig

Shame on us for thinking that a Danzig show would go off without a hitch, and infinite shame on Glenn Danzig for the debacle that was his "appearance" at Fun Fun Fun Fest in Austin. We will never look at French onion soup ever again without bellowing "Mother".

Lulu

We're not mad at Metallica and Lou Reed for making Lulu, we're mad at them for wasting time valuable time that could have been used towards their own perspective new albums. Lulu was a confounding pile but a confounding pile that will probably be crazy beloved in two decades. All applause for at least trying something new aside - we sorta dug the last 30 minutes of the album - we hope that these two make their own records in 2012.

The Strokes

We were like everyone else, clamoring this past March's Angles for months and months. Once it came out we tried our damnedest to listen to it more than a handful of times, to no avail. Some said the disc was just a mash of cast-off solo songs, while others treated it like the Second Coming. The band themselves didn't seem to into being back in the spotlight either, though their free gig at Austin's Auditorium Shores during SXSW was decent and filled with fan favorites. Were these guys better off apart and doing solo stuff?

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R.E.M.

Why does REM deserve this dishonor? Well for one they hung on for longer than they seemed to have wanted to before splitting in September, while releasing albums that even they didn't seem to like. Oh, and secondarily we are butt-hurt at them for never coming to Houston, last setting foot in town in 2003. See you guys in ten years for the big reunion tour.

Sonic Youth's Thurston Moore And Kim Gordon Proving That True Love Sucks, Doesn't Exist

Thurston Moore and Kim Gordon were one of the most respected and revered couples in music until they announced their split in October, putting the future of Sonic Youth in question. Will they be able to continue onstage and in the studio together, or is this the end of SY as we know it? Does this mean that Gordon will turn into a voracious indie-rock cougar? Will Moore star in his own VH1 series about finding love as a single noise-shredding man about town?

Adele

No one wants to say it, but Rocks Off will. We're sick of Adele. "Someone Like You" is about stalking and not letting go. We spent years mired in emo for even more emo, but it's cool because her voice is spectacular, right? We think that people give the British soul star more credit than she deserves because of how she looks, since she does not fit into the typical pop-star Britney and Gaga mold.

Screaching Weasel's Ben Weasel

During SXSW this year, the Internet was steaming over Screeching Weasel frontman Ben Weasel hitting a woman and another unidentified person during his band's set at the Scoot Inn. It was all caught on camera. Weasel had been hit with ice during the show and lashed out at the fans he held responsible.

Weasel hadn't been as happy-go-lucky about SXSW as the rest of the town, remarking on his Twitter stream, "Gearing up to play the most depressing show of my life in the most joyless, soulless, shameful excuse of a music event in modern history." He was even less charitable towards the machinery of SXSW, writing "I'm about to go play for free for douchey rock critics and music industry hacks. I'm ashamed of myself."

In the wake of Weasel's bust-up, the other members of the band agreed to go their separate ways, splintering what had been a triumphant past year or so that included a handful of well-received shows, including one here in Houston back in August 2010.

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Photo By Marc Brubaker
George Strait's PR Team

Yes, we love ourselves some George, but after we had already written and posted our glowing (read: homoerotic) review of his January gig at the Erwin Center in Austin, we got polite e-mails from his team to take down most of the pictures that photographer Marc Brubaker had shot of him.

Strait's team, Front Page, had us take down all but two of the six photos we posted with the review. Front Page was not too keen on "shadows and bad angles," or other photos it found "unflattering." Funny enough, Strait is three years older than Reba McEntire, who was also on the bill that night, and no one from her camp objected to any photos we took of her.

I still love you George, even though your PR team was weird, and my tattoo honoring your song "The Chair" that is on the back of my calf isn't going anywhere. Promise.

Myself

Why me? Well for starters I let a bunch of quarrelsome Internet commenters get the best of me this year in the wake of the HPMAs. Also, I slept on way too many new albums to instead listen to older records like Guns N' Roses' Appetite For Destruction, and the Rolling Stones' Tattoo You. On top of everything else I also have found myself to be a weekly dubstep and Nickelback apologist, hating almost nothing. Lame, bro. The list can go on and on.

(whistles Foster The People's "Pumped Up Kicks" while sobbing into his Homopolice shirt...)

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6 comments
Championshipvinyl73
Championshipvinyl73

Don't forget all of that ICP and Juggalo shit Craig! You're not getting a pass on that one either! lol

Craig Hlavaty
Craig Hlavaty

HAHAHAHA, agreed. I have passed the Faygo bottle to Matthew Keever now. He's the bureau's new Juggalo. I tapped out.

John Seaborn Gray
John Seaborn Gray

Lou Reed and Metallica in 2011: Check. Fingers crossed for John Cale and GWAR in 2012!

MadMac
MadMac

Don't know/never heard of this tortured soul, Ben Weasal. I can only pray now that this guy is off the hook for "playing for free," (for a bunch of reporters that would promote his, ahem, music) yes, we can only pray that he finds some soul-satisfying vocation that envolves contemplative mantras like, "would you like fries with your order?" or "Another colonic irrigation? Right away, Mr. Limbaugh!"

 C trublood
C trublood

R.E.M., to their credit did play the Woodlands in, i want to say 2004 or 2005.I was there.

Craig Hlavaty
Craig Hlavaty

Corrected. They were here in 2003 with Ed Harcourt. The REM-assisted dates in 1995 at the Woodlands get all the love.

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