Rocks Off's Annual Descent Into Sunny 99.1's Christmas Music K-Hole
"Jingle Bells," Ray Conniff
This picture to the right of Mr. Conniff is all I wanna know about him. Anything more will ruin the appeal. As a man who also likes holding tiny dogs, I salute him. Rest in peace, sir.
"Happy Xmas," John Lennon / The Plastic Ono Band
I just realize that the snack counter at the YMCA next door is closed today. Dammit. Oh, hey John Lennon.
"Frosty The Snowman," Willie Nelson
A country Christmas double-shot begins with Willie. Insert generic drug reference. Repeat.
"Do You Hear What I Hear," Martina McBride
I want Martina McBride to eye me at a bar for Christmas and make out with me in a photobooth, or a reasonable facsimile.
"We Wish You A Merry Christmas," Kenny G
The other night I went to this event for the families of organ donors with my family and they snuck in some Kenny G as the background music and I giggled, because probably would have made my late grandfather giggle too. Even though I found a Celine Dion album in his office after he passed on.
"It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas," Bing Crosby
I only have ten minutes of this left before I can go back to listening to the new Childish Gambino LP on Rdio. Sweet relief. It's really easy to sound like Bing Crosby actually when you are all alone.
Station break: A message about donating toys to less fortunate kids. Into it. Give them all turntables and Sabbath records. It's humanitarian, really. A cash-for-gold ad reminds me that I didn't get my Glenn Beck fix this morning on the way to work.
"Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas," Amy Grant
I needed this to close me out, really. No irony, no bullshit, just straight-up, lush holiday madness. I want a pill that makes my body feel the way this song sounds. And that's not just a former pill-head talking, I swear.
P.S. I am still editing this blog and I haven't changed the station yet. Who's the sicko, now? I will cut it off after Bruce Springsteen's "Santa Claus Is Comin' To Town" wraps up. Promise.