Hey Pookie: Top 5 Cheesy Love Songs

Jessica Fitzgerald

​We recently started getting fan mail in addition to the more... creatively worded correspondence that we've always gotten in response to our articles. The accolades are worth almost as much as the paycheck, but we wanted to take this opportunity to pass on that praise to one of our favorite people.

The Wife With One F is our muse, and some of our best work has come straight out of her head with only a few factoids and dick jokes thrown in by us for style's sake. Without her we never would've gotten out of our hair metal phase and into music that digs a little deeper into the human soul than simply decoding the meaning behind the phrase "unskinny bop."

With that it mind, our playlist this week is dedicated to her, and the five cheesy love songs that make up the mixtape of our heart. Happy birthday, Pookie, and thanks for all the help you've given us over the years.

Though she got us into non-guitar solo centered music, the Wife With One F likes a little metal herself every now and then, particularly Queensryche when they're not screaming about mindcrimes. We were gone a lot on gigs ourselves, though "Ford Focus City Woman" would've been more appropriate in our case. Still, she was always waiting for us when we got back from annoying dozens of fans in the far reaches of the state.

We're perfectly happy to admit that this song is god awful. It has all the depth of the kiddie pool, and probably half the urine content. What it does have in its favor is one brilliant throw away line in the chorus, 'I'm standing here until you make me move." That lyric always kills us, the perfect sentiment to fidelity.