Feast of Charles Borromeo: A Saint's Playlist

Categories: Miles-tones

Though we have no desire to live by the teachings of Cathol and his popular ism, we are huge fans of the saints. To us, saints represent God's Avengers, and yeah, some of them are in charge of stupid things like equestrians, but there are also plenty of them with real-life superpowers.

Today is the feast day of Charles Borromeo, who we like because his name sounds like a combination of "bro" and Chromeo. Borromeo was cardinal archbishop of the Catholic Archdiocese of Milan from 1564 to 1584. Born into a wealthy family he was a towering figure in the church. On the one hand, he led a crusade against heresy that ended up with people being tortured out of Protestantism. Those who refused were burned...headfirst.

On the other hand, he did personally lead a charge against the bubonic plague, visiting every parish where there was contagion distributing money, helping to arrange medicine and housing for the sick, and reprimanding any church official who was worried about catching the disease. When it came time to choose between a possible swollen, infected death or arguing with Saint Set Your Head on Fire, guess which one the clergy choose.

Today we honor Borromeo with a playlist that reflects his particular areas of expertise.

Stevie Wonder, "Upset Stomach"

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Though bubonic plague is known more for swollen lymph nodes called buboes from which it gets its name it also caused severe gastrointestinal problems. Borromeo is the saint in charge of rumbly tummies as well as ulcers because of his role in fighting the plague. Any excuse to reference the Last Dragon, really.

Tiger Army, "In the Orchard"

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We have to level with you, we have no idea why Boromeo has the apple orchard gig. There's a lot of that when you're dealing with saints. It's like being hired at a law firm and being told that you are also in charge of removing wasp nests. Whatever, how about some rockabilly courtesy of the Tiger Army?

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