Toby Keith's "Red Solo Cup" And Other Household Items That Need Theme Songs

Categories: WTF Island

toby-keith.jpg
OK, we've never been devout Toby Keith fans. At all. Our image of him changed though as we heard more of his politics, post-"Courtesy Of The Red, White And Blue" and he came out as a fan of gay marriage and gays in the military. Who says all country guys have to be right-wing torchbearers anyway? Keith now seems like a guy we wouldn't mind drinking with, or at least ordering a shot for.

This week we finally heard his "Red Solo Cup," a Roger Miller-style ode to the ubiquitous party staple, able to hold beer, take a beating a flip-cup, and a good road drink vessel. The video, armed with Carrot Top, Craig Ferguson, good friend to Rocks Off Mr. Ted Nugent, Larry Bird, Jeff Dunham, and Sammy Hagar, is set at a house party full of brahs, broads, bikinis, and good times.

The catchiest song in the world, or for this week at least.

Now of course, there will come imitators who will try to make the next "'Red Solo Cup" and create their own tribute to everyday household party items. Keith's song is surely just the first in a long line of odes to things you have in your pantry.

Adele, "Paper Plates"

England's newest hitmaker Adele strikes back at a careless boyfriend who doesn't do the dishes when he is told, in addition to you know, always cheating on her.

Sample Lyric: "You may think our love is fate/But watch it boy/You gonna be using paper plates."

Mastodon, "Bounty Paper Towels"

Straight outta Hotlanta (Atlanta for you white people) comes this hidden track on the metal band's Japanese import reissue of 2002's Remission.

Sample Lyric:"The red-eyed demon and the flaming pit viper/Bounty Paper Towels/Set loose on your kitchen-area fouls."

Bruno Mars, "Those Corn Holder Deals You Use To Hold Corn Cobs"

One of the biggest producers and pop stars on the planet gears up for his follow-up to 2010's smash Doo-Wops & Hooligans by shaking the sillies out in the studio with this quick cut about those corn cob holders at your mom's house what are they called?

Sample Lyric:"Being domestic/Sitting at home with my beatific babe/She's grilling corn/While I watch porn/She yells from the kitchen/Bruno where are those corn cob holder deals/Dinner is almost ready."

Lil Wayne, "Panini Machine Dreams"

One of the biggest star's in rap, Lil Wayne is also a fan of pressed panini sandwiches, and why not? They eat like a meal if done right, plus they are quick snacks for the busy musician on the go. On his newest mixtape, Weezy goes HAM with a panini press. This is why he is the voice of our generation.

Sample Lyric: "Fuck y'all suckas eating cold ham sandwiches/Your shit is throwed and static/Locked up like Anne Frank reading Flowers In The Attic/I use my panini press/While your girl pulls off that dress."

Lady Gaga, "Spoodle"

Mama Monster records this call to arms for her Little Monsters who are need of larger utensils to serve soup at local shelters for runaway teens. Liberation and being proud of how you were born was never so catchy, anthemic, and filled with peas, carrots, potatoes, and just a hint of garlic.

Sample Lyrics: "My mama told me when she was making chicken noodle soup/Drinking wine and rocking that slur/Dreams can come true some day baby/Be a good girl/Hand mama that spoodle."

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3 comments
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missXminnie
missXminnie

I thought Downy was fabric softener. Anyway, I'm still pissed that they took off the Brawny Paper Towel man's beard.

Early Cuyler
Early Cuyler

Mastodon, "Downy Paper Towels", brilliant.  I'd like to hear Converge's ode to "The Clapper".

Allison
Allison

I have an irrational hatred of Toby Kieth.

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