Broke Down: A Playlist From The Middle Of Nowhere

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motiontowing.com
There are eight spark plugs in the Eddie Bauer edition of Ford's 2001 Expedition. Eight. And if one of them isn't working properly - if it becomes loose or stripped or a gremlin sneaks under the hood and gobbles it up (a common problem in Fords) - the whole car is pretty much fucked. Crazy.
 
Goodie Mob had, like, one good guy out of four and they were still pretty good. No matter. Ford Expeditions do not care about the number of hits Cee-Lo's old group had. One monkey stops their show like a motherfucker. I know this because Monday, one of the sparkplugs in my Expedition went wongo on the way from Corpus to Houston.
 
The whole scenario was pretty unspectacular: There was some driving (this is fun enough), then an awful, horrible knocking noise (THUDTHUDTHUD...), then some confusion: Did I just wander over onto those ridges on the side of the road that prevent people from driving into the median?

Then some realizing something nefarious was afoot (nope, I did not), then some cursing (son of a bitch), then some "What's a sunabitch, Daddy" questions to field (ah crap, forgot the boys were in the back), then some under-the-breath cursing, then some pulling off to the side of the road, then some wading through the awful steps of the My Car Is Broken In A Town Where I Don't Know Anyone Or Anything process for the next nine hours.
 
Matter of fact, this article you're reading was typed on a phone because somehow -somehow - I ended up in a place that did not immediately offer a computer for me to operate or the Internet for me to surf (for shame, Odem, TX).

So, at 11:04 p.m. my time, with the boys asleep a little in an unfamiliar bed and a little more tainted than they were this morning, and with the poor wife balled up on a couch looking very much like her neck is going to be kicking her ass in the morning, and with it impossible to do any sort of work on the car at the moment - on account of the darkness as much as the fact that there may be some Klansmen wandering around outside - I wrote a playlist of songs to go along with my five stages of grief today.


STEP 1: DENIAL

Medical Definition: Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of possessions and individuals that will be left behind after death.
 
Song: K's Choice, "Not An Addict*"
 
Why: Duh. That's pretty much what the entire song is about. Easy pick.

*In the mid-90's, EVERYBODY was listening to this sort of rock. At least, everyone that was trying to make people think they were really introspective, anyway. Fuck it. You know what it is.


STEP 2: ANGER

Medical Definition: Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy.

Song: Every DMX Song

Why: No rapper has ever been as furious for as an extended amount of time as DMX.


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