Five People You Should Never Invite To A Concert

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"The Tinderbox"
For music lovers, few experiences outrank the transcendent nature of witnessing a great live music performance. And most avid fans have a tried and trusted circle of friends they take along for the ride, knowing that even the most righteous rock show can be can be fatally flawed with the wrong companion in tow.

We've identified five common concert-going personality types to avoid, and listed them below.

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The Chatty Cathy

Chatty Cathys crave the spotlight and often lack the attention span necessary to do much of anything consistently for more than 20 minutes. They've generally lost interest in what is happening onstage by about the third or fourth song, at which point they will undoubtedly lean in and attempt to strike up a conversation about mundane, trivial, or highly incendiary matters in the hopes of redirecting your focus back on them.


The Tinderbox

OK, so your friend displays a general dislike of people and a low tolerance for long lines, loud noises, spilled drinks, traffic, being bumped into, and close quarters. And yeah, they had a couple of shots of Jameson before you left, but that was just to "calm their nerves." There's no reason to think that your concert-going experience will be anything less than magical, right?


The Rock Snob

A variation of the Chatty Cathy, Rock Snobs enjoy reading and talking about music far more than listening to it, and will narrate a concert like a Ken Burns documentary. They are the ultimate wet blanket, sucking the fun out of the experience with musings like, "Aha! This riff is reminiscent of their early work in London", or obscure details you would have been happier never knowing, such as, "Most people think this song was written about [insert lead singer's love interest here], but it's actually an ode to the Church of Scientology."

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5 comments
Chris D
Chris D

Add: The Crowd Surfer...Not the ones at the Slayer shows mind you. The ones at the "quiet" shows where he/she's the only one in the whole crowd who thought it would be cool. Also, the "fat" crowd surfer... The "Screamer": The guy who, throughout the whole song yells "WHHHOOOOOOO!!!!!", "OWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!", etc, etc... Also, The girl who finds it nessecary to scream "I LOVE YOU!!!!" after every song... The G.A. Bully: The guy who, after consuming 8 dollar beer after 8 dollar beer, takes a potty break, and then muscles his way back up front no matter how many 90 pound chicks have taken his spot.

DuckDuckGoose
DuckDuckGoose

#6 - the Rock critic / columnist who is entitled to judge the worthiness of the audience.

It's only rock and roll ... if people are talking and fighting and arguing, well WWJLLD ? (What Would Jerry Lee Lewis Do?)

Lauren Marmaduke
Lauren Marmaduke

The audience can do as they please. This article refers to the friend you take to a show. 

Craig
Craig

But I'm sure you are perfectly fine bringing somebody with the case of the sniffles!

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