Gothic Council Nominates 2012 Presidential Candidate

Categories: Gothtopia

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The Gothic Council has few real duties, you understand. The role of the group is largely ceremonial. Wearing black and judging people isn't really a full-time job unless you somehow end up as a judge on American Idol.

However, each election cycle we are obligated to nominate a candidate for president, someone who we feel best represents gothic interest. Whatever his successes or failures, this cannot be said of the incumbent, Barack Obama, though his comic-geek fandom does garner him a onyx on our highly sophisticated, all-black color-coded rating system. The same is true for the current crop of GOP hopefuls, none of whom rise above ebony on the scale.

Joining the council for this all important meeting this week are fashion designer Batty, model Sarah Hill, Punky Moms founder Sarah Fanning, and please welcome creepy doll designer Shyla.

Gothtopia: Who shall we nominate for president that will serve goth well? Please bear in mind the following rules when making a choice: 1) Fiction counts as reality; 2) We have a time machine; 3) That whole age-35, natural-born-citizen, not-a-felon thing the other candidates have to follow doesn't apply here.

Batty: I vote for Uncle Andy.

Gothtopia. That would be Andrew Eldritch, lead singer of The Sisters of Mercy.

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Batty: He is already good at denial. He's said the Sisters of Mercy weren't goth for years. He's also a crotchety old bastard, and what we need is a mean old bastard. Plus, he looks good in respect-my-authority aviator glasses, and is really excellent at taking the piss out of hecklers.

Sarah Hill: I vote for Diamanda Galas. She'll say she isn't exactly goth, but fuck it. She can scare the shit out of anyone on the planet. Hitler would have gladly kissed her boots.

Batty: And her music is great to blare when your neighbors annoy you, so in turn you could just blare her presidential speeches.

Sarah Hill: Exactly.

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I'm throwing in my vote for Peter Murphy or Andy Sex Gang.... mmmmmm...... cruuuuustyyyyy.....

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