The Astros Suck. Is It Their Music?

Categories: Only In Houston

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Marco Torres
Hunter Pence, Buzz listener?
Wandy Rodriguez is Rocks Off's new favorite Astro.

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Not because the Domincan southpaw has actually posted decent numbers for Houston's hometown cellar-dwellers this year (3-3 W-L, 3.41 ERA, 53 strikeouts), but because Rodriguez has one of the few pieces of "walkup music" - the snippet of a song that plays on the Minute Maid Park PA as a player strolls to the plate - Rocks Off can actually stomach: AC/DC's "TNT." Of course, as a pitcher, Wandy only bats every fourth or fifth day, and then two or maybe three times a game, tops. Now, if only his fastball were that explosive...

Laying to rest what she called a "constant source of intrigue" for Astros fans, Wednesday the team's Senior Director of Social Media, Alyson Footer, posted a list of players' walkup music she compiled with assistant scoreboard operator Nunee Oakes on her MLB.com blog.

Incredibly, the team's taste in music is even worse than its play on the field.

Long gone are the days when Craig Biggio would come up to bat to a different U2 song each time, and headbangin' Jeff Bagwell would psych himself up to hit one out with a little Metallica. Speaking of the Black Album boys, no 'Stros fan could ever forget how juiced the Juice Box would get whenever closer Billy Wagner would stride out of the bullpen to "Enter Sandman."

Today's team, on the other hand, prefers a mix of blingy Autotune rap and the bastard children of Crazy Town, with reggaeton and honky-tonk accents. A few selections from Footer's list:

Clint Barmes (SS): Nonpoint, "In The Air Tonight"
Michael Bourn (CF): Birdman & Lil Wayne, "Get Your Shine On"
Chris Johnson (3B): Rick Ross, "Blowin' Money Fast"
Jason Michaels (OF): Hollywood Undead, "Hear Me Now; Five Finger Death Punch, "The Bleeding"
J.R. Towles (C): Stoney LaRue, "Down in Flames"
Carlos Lee (LF): Edward Maya & Vika Jigulina, "Stereo Love"; Fuego, "Que Buena Tu Ta"
Bud Norris (P): Sick Puppies, "You're Going Down"
Hunter Pence (RF): Slipknot , "Before I Forget; Korn, "Coming Undone"

Ouch. Coming undone all right. Rocks Off will give props to injured closer Brandon Lyon for choosing Rob Zombie's "Dragula" and Matt Downs for Lil Troy et. al.'s H-Town classic "Wanna Be a Baller," even though we had no idea who Downs even was until we looked him up on the team's home page. (He's a reserve infielder currently batting .249.)

Rocks Off consulted the head of our Rap Bureau, Shea Serrano, for an assessment of the 'Stros' hip-hop choices, and the results were mixed. Jason Bourgeoise, an outfielder currently on the 15-day disabled list, scored some points for choosing underground Houston rapper Propain's "Say I Won't," although another of his choices, Bun B and T-Pain's "Trillionaire," Serrano says, "stinks."

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Minute Maid Park

501 Crawford, Houston, TX

Category: General

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Jamie
Jamie

Someone last season was using Silversun Pickups' "Panic Switch". It MIGHT have been Pence, but I can't remember.

Grocerylist
Grocerylist

I went to an Astros game a couple weeks ago, only because I was given free club tickets!  I didn't know more than 3 of the players names.  Drayton bled the team for every last drop and left the Astros for dead.  I hope that Jim Crane got a good deal on purchasing the Astros because he has a bunch of scrubs playing out there that wouldn't make most other teams AAA squads.

Tideturns
Tideturns

shea serrano said trillionaire was a bad choice? really? that's a shame. i'm glad that any of our players are using houston rap as their walk up songs. i agree about the propain song. GREAT song.

 @da491a2f8ebad2178b5b8fa436bbed02:disqus  you not knowing more than 3 players names is not anyone's fault but your own. then again that would require actually watching and following the team. you'll chime in with your complaints and likely ignore the team until they are back on the other side of .500 again.

AstrosSuck
AstrosSuck

Why watching something that has no chance at winning?  That's like watching James Cameron's terrible movie Titanic and wondering if the ship is going to not sink this time.

Grocerylist
Grocerylist

They've sucked for more than a few years.  When was the last time they acquired a good prospect?  Drayton traded them all away to cut salary so he could make more money on the suckers at the concessions.

Brittanie Shey
Brittanie Shey

The moment I fell in love with Hunter Pence (and he's a pretty lovable guy, if you follow his Twitter stream) was when he walked out early last year to Lady Gaga.

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