Songs To Soundtrack Your Rapture Experience

This Saturday is the Rapture, that biblical calling home of all the saved and righteous Christians, living and dead, here on dirty, sinful Earth. Luckily, Craig's Hlist has been saved since, like, second grade, so you other guys who aren't are sort of screwed.

Besides, when the Rapture rolls in on Saturday sometime, CHL will be on an Alabama beach watching Motorhead open for Foo Fighters. You mad?

After careful study of the Bible, Pastor Harold Camping has predicted that the Rapture will occur this Saturday. The retired 89-year old civil engineer really has nothing to lose in predicting the date, since it can only help his Family Radio broadcasting network. And to be perfectly honest, at his age he could die any minute, so it's not like he will be waiting long to get into the pearly gates either way.

In the Bible, Revelations 9:5 says, "And to them it was given that they should not kill them, but that they should be tormented five months: And their torment was as the torment of a scorpion, when he striketh a man."

rapture 92 may18.jpg
Maybe this was a dress rehearsal.
So we have five more months or so until October 21, 2011, which according to Scripture (Camping's version), will be the end of the world. So at least you will all still get to see Kanye West at ACL, and maybe even a Radiohead show at the Woodlands before then. Like we said, CHL will be in Heaven hanging out with GG Allin and Marilyn Monroe. Someone please live-tweet the Kanye set if you can.

Yes, they have Twitter in Heaven. Follow @stpeter.

Now Saturday you will be seeing spirits flying out of cemeteries, coming from urns, crypts, vaults, burial plots, and maybe even the ocean, as the righteous ones get called into Heaven. The rest of you can enjoy quicker commutes on the highways Monday morning, along with shorter lines at McDonald's.

The only downside is that Apocalypse you get in October. Have fun with the fire, blood, screams, and new Nickelback album just in time for the holiday shopping season.

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Mike Wilhide
Mike Wilhide

Here, my friends, is my cynical-toungue-in cheek Rapture Songs List...Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye-Steam  <---YEAH YEAH YEAH, I KNOW it's a cliche...  STILL fits.Abandoner-Steven WisonGhosts-NINWorkin' Them Angels-RushYou're Going Down-Sick PuppiesYou're Dead-MegadethYou Never Can Tell-Chuck BerryYou Know What You Are?-NINYou Haven't Done Nothin'-Stevie WonderYou Gotta Move-AerosmithTomorrow Never Knows-The BeatlesWorthless Fool-Five Seconds ExpiredWonder What's Next-ChevelleWhy Worry-Dire StraitsWho'll Be The Next In Line-The KinksWho Knows-Jimi HendrixWho Cares?-ExtremeWhen Time Stood Still-ELOWhen It's Over-LoverboyThe Ugly Truth-Matthew SweetSweet Dreams-ProbotSweating Bullets-MegadethSurprise! You're Dead!-Faith No MoreSuperstition-Stevie Ray VaughanStrip The Soul-Porcupine TreeStayin' Alive-Bee Gee'sStanding On Higher Ground-The Alan Parsons ProjectSpread Your Wings-QueenSpine Of God-Monster MagnetTaken In-Mike + The MechanicsPsychobabble-The Alan Parsons ProjectProve You Wrong-ProngThe Prodigal Sun-The Black AngelsPlease, Please, Please-James BrownPiss Up A Rope-WeenPerfect Insanity-DisturbedOver Now-Alice In ChainsOutshined-SoundgardenOut Of Time-The RamonesMr. Big Stuff-Jean KnightLust For Life-Iggy PopLucky Number-Lene LovichLook Happy, It's The End Of The World-Matthew Goode BandLong Road To Ruin-Foo FightersThe End-The BeatlesNot The Same-Ben FoldsI Should Have Known-Foo FightersCrazy-Gnarls BarkleyIt's A Laugh-Hall & OatesEverybody Loves You-HelmetSanctuary-J. Geils BandDon't Worry About Me-Joey RamoneHow Many More Times-Led ZeppelinThe Last Time Again-LitTimes Up-Living ColourPersonal Jesus-Marilyn MansoonYou've Never Been Right-The MelvinsEye Of The Beholder-MetallicaReligious Cancer-NailbombFreaklaw-Only Living WitnessHigh Hopes-Pink Floyd

Rev. Daniel Blair
Rev. Daniel Blair

 I am very sad for those who have been followingthis lie that the rapture will occur on May 21st. Even if theyattempt to explain away “No one knows about that day or hour, not even theangels in heaven nor the Son, but only the Father” (Mark 13:32), they cannotexplain away that most every Christian, theologian, scholar, and prophet fromthe first Century until the Nineteenth Century all believed that the churchwould go through the Great Tribulation and not escape through some secretrapture that would leave the world paralyzed. I pray that they will take amoment and read my book, “Final Warning” because the hour of is His judgmenthas come. http://www.revelation-truth.or...

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