Idol Beat: My Faith In A Just Universe Is Restored

You're paying for that suit now, kid.
60 million votes. That's how many it took to ensure karmic balance in the universe and send Jacob Lusk to the American Idol equivalent of hell... which is probably an alternate dimension where Simon Cowell never existed.

Last night was so chock-full of entertainment it's a wonder they managed to cram it all into one hour: Steven Tyler's new book? A performance and video preview from Jennifer Lopez? Lady Antebellum dazzling us with their lite-country stylings? Hot damn, this show needs to be three hours long!

The opening ensemble number ("Happy Together" by the Turtles) was awkwardly staged and only marginally in tune, meaning it was just about par for the course for the rest of the season. Meanwhile, Seacrest had "big Season 11 news": It seems auditions start this summer.

We have to wait that long? What kind of god would make us suffer through six Idol-less months before another season?

The important announcement was followed by another Ford commercial. It featured the contestants performing various carny tricks (James balances a chair on his chin, Scotty does BMX stunts), except for Haley, who demonstrated the Ford Focus' self-parallel parking function. How insulting.

Sorry, I forgot my mandated reaction...

And then, for some reason, the contestants go through an abbreviated version of Gordon Ramsay's Hell's Kitchen. I guess someone figured this season's asshole quotient was dangerously low with Cowell gone.

Not much love for Lady Antebellum. Show the Record of the Year Grammy winners some respect, you assholes. Sure, they're no Starland Vocal Band, but they're trying.

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Bobby Fontaine
Bobby Fontaine

download free copy of “Steven Tyler’s Secret Past” -

Everyday this story isn’t told begins new tragedies around the world, that’s how important it is for you to read it. Just released “ Steven Tyler’s Secret Past” is an absolute must read. This true story will keep you on the edge of your seat taking you into the dark world of Steven Tyler, the Mafia bosses who managed his career, and the very strange tactics used to deploy Aerosmith to the top of the world’s rock and roll scene. It’s a story of struggle and hardship, and overcoming great odds against enemies who’d stop at nothing to get their way. A few simple mistakes at the beginning of his career and Steven was in over his head caught between the CIA and his own Sicilian roots.

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