Cage Match: Ted Nugent Vs. General Bye Bye

Not Ted Nugent. Hopefully you realized that.

​Ladies and gentlemen, tonight a battle will be waged for the very musical soul of Houston. In this corner, from Detroit, wearing very little, heavily armed, and dragging the corpse of the Great White Buffalo behind him, the wild man of rock himself, Ted Nugent.

And in this corner, from Paris, France, presumably wearing the official uniform of France with a striped shirt, pencil mustache, and beret,* fresh from a dynamite time at SXSW unloading their technopop stylings, vocalist and guitarist Philippe Beer-Gabel of General Bye Bye.

*Our knowledge of French culture is derived entirely from Animaniacs episodes.

Cue the entrance music, this is the Cage Match!

Rocks Off: Monsieur Beer-Gabel, can you please the millions of Houstonians reading this column exactly why they should forego a trip to Nutty Jerry's to see Ted Nugent, and instead use their hard-earned recession dollars to drop in at Mango's for your set?

Phillipe Beer-Gabel: Firstly, Ted is from Texas. You can see him any day of the week...

RO: He's not, y'know? He's from Detroit. You could fit most of your continent between them.

PB-G: I SAID HE'S FROM TEXAS!

RO: What the hell did you just hit me with?

PB-G: A kantele. It's like a zither.