The Aliens Should Have Kept Sammy Hagar

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Judging by the headline, you already know where Rocks Off stands when it comes to Van Hagar versus a David Lee Roth-fronted Van Halen. We love to hate Sammy Hagar, almost to the point where we actually like him a little bit.

We can't even explain that feeling. It's like how when you were young and hitting puberty and you had that weird tinge in your pants when a pretty girl walked by, but replace the like with hate and you have an idea of what we mean.

So when we found out in the recent Rolling Stone interview and various blogs touting his new autobiography, Red: My Uncensored Life In Rock, and now that he claims he was visited and briefly abducted by aliens, we wished that they could have just kept him.

No matter what time in his life he was abducted, it would have infinitely better for the world, whether he was four, 24, 54, or today, or tomorrow. Plus, he's a ginger, and not the cool redheaded chick who scratches your face and sets your car on fire. He-Gingers are cruel and inhuman monsters.

But what's confusing is that back in the '80s he had blonde hair most of the time, like in the "I Can't Drive 55" video. We agree that when you drive that slow, you know it's hard to steer and that you can't get your car out of second gear. What used to take two hours now actually takes all day. Agreed, Sammy.

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If you know us personally, you will remember that we have an almost instinctual hate of Hagar. You can say his name out loud around us and before you get to the second syllable in his last name we will have already said "Fuck Sammy Hagar".

Even when we were young and first getting exposed to Van Halen through MTV and the radio, we knew it was wrong that someone else was singing for the band after David Lee Roth left, like how you are born knowing that murder and rape are wrong, that's how we felt about Hagar.

If only aliens would have kept him instead of throwing him back, we could have maybe had Ronnie James Dio or David Johanssen fronting Van Halen after Roth. Who knows what we would have happened with Hagar, but we sure as shit wouldn't have to have heard "Dreams" or Finish What Ya Started" ever.


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17 comments
Elvis
Elvis

You said it, 63 and still rockin', enough said. You are out of your mind, this cat knows more and done more in Rock and Roll than Dick head Dave has or will ever do. Who has the $$$$, scoreboard, shut - up. This guy is a legend.

By the way, where is and what is that knucklehead Dave up to? Making records and $$$$? I really do not think anyone in America really gives a #$@#.

Jgs65
Jgs65

I'll take Minutemen Double Nickels on the Dime ...thanks -

Metal4kz
Metal4kz

Brutal! You have to give it up for the Montrose/Red Rocker material. Don't get me wrong - I love Diamond Dave just like the next guy, but who would contest 'Rock Candy' or 'Bad Motor Scooter' don't jam?!?

Maybe he was abducted! We weren't there! :O)

Vistalite76
Vistalite76

It's not like Sammy wrote all the Halen songs. And diamond Dave sucked worse than buster poindexter when he left the band. "give me a bottle of anything and a glazed donut....to go" that's way cornier than 55. Sure 55 is a dated song but his work with Montrose and albums like Standing Hampton and 3 Lock Box were pretty good....at least from what I remember Plus he can play guitar leads.

Josh Webster
Josh Webster

It's weird when you meet someone who prefers Hagar-era VH to DLR-era. Like when you meet someone who prefers Dio to Ozzy in Sabbath. But they are out there.

Oh Brother
Oh Brother

Is this column website filler? Is this what we get when a writer doesn't do his work and has to pop out something quick?

Dbmayne
Dbmayne

And no cool Montrose tunes, either.

Mark_fuller28
Mark_fuller28

It's funny how much press this is getting now. His alien stories are nothing new. BTW, I just listened to Love Walks In today. Good ballad! I do prefer DLR for Van Halen, but I like Hagar too. Van Halen would've completely disappeared (like now) if not for Hagar. He saved their asses. Everything he wrote in the 80's was good - solo stuff and Van Halen. Much cooler and down to earth than any other VH member too.

Aging Rocker
Aging Rocker

C'mon before he was in Van Halen, he rocked a little.

Three Lock Box and Heavy Metal! Those are some good tunes, man.

Vistalite76
Vistalite76

Dio sabbath is better than ozzy. Theyre both great but dio had the pipes and could write songs. Many people feel that way. They were two different bands. I don't see what's weird about it.

CraigHlavaty
CraigHlavaty

It's only filler because you want to kiss and marry Sammy Hagar.

CraigHlavaty
CraigHlavaty

Well, I am on the Sammy Hagar street team and I had to do my part.

Sauman
Sauman

And wasn't he with Montrose years ago? Some serious good stuff there.....

Oh Brother
Oh Brother

You can't even hold his jock, son!

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