Eminem, Bob Marley, Pink Big With 8th Graders These Days

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As a middle-school teacher, you can be certain of a few things:

  • At any given time, no less than three boys in your classroom are plotting to draw penises on something. It's nuts. They're penis-crazy. We've found penis drawings on everything; books, rocks, test tubes, stopwatches, milk cartons, the back of an unpopular kid's jacket, the front of a popular kid's jacket, etc. It's perpetually Threat Level Red with that shit.
  • Teenage girls will unabashedly exploit their menstrual cycles to get you to do whatever they please. "Why are you 25 minutes late to school, Sara? And where are your shoes off? And is that beer on your breath?!" Well, I'm on my period, sir. "Oh....ummm... have a seat, ma'am."
  • If you ask a kid about music, they will absolutely talk to you about music.

So, as we typically do, we spent a couple of moments before each class day this past week checking in with the kids to make sure there wasn't anything cool going on in pop culture we may have missed. The responses to the "What's Your Current Favorite Song?" interrogation:

BASSY, THINKS HICCUPS ARE SUPER FUNNY

Eminem feat Rihanna, "Love The Way You Lie"

When Asked To Explain Why It's A Good Song: "Because it's Eminem. He's my favorite rapper. I saw 8 Mile. I like when he raps at the end. The rest of the movie is boring."


JR, CAN NAME ALL THE PHASES OF THE MOON WITHOUT HESITATION

Bob Marley, "Buffalo Soldier"

When Asked To Explain Why It's A Good Song: "I don't know, sir. I just do. I like Metallica too. Have you ever heard of them?"*

*Jerk.


CARMEN, VETERAN OF THE IN-SCHOOL SUSPENSION PROGRAM

Juan Gotti, "Mexican Inside of Me"

When Asked To Explain Why It's A Good Song: "I like it because he raps in Spanish and English. I don't know. He's Mexican and he talks about being a gangster. I listen to it. That's why I like it."

If you rap in Spanish and English about being a gangster, you will have a sizeable fan base in Southeast Houston. That is a fact. Even the currently incarcerated Lil Bing has fans out here, and Lil Bing is as good a rapper as he was at committing crimes and not getting caught.


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15 comments
Shea Serrano
Shea Serrano

Oh snap. It appears my anonymous dissenter is back. Cool. I've missed you, sir. Looking forward to seeing more of your hurtful and unkind comments on my posts and articles.

Shea the Homophobic Racist Swindling Jester

Realfattony
Realfattony

steve serrano aka shea serrano is a homophobe..i have proof on his twitter. i cannot support a writer who is openly homophobic. houston press should fire him and his wife who he hired as one of the photographers and he needs to stop having all his friends comment tto boost his viewrship.

ash
ash

fyi - the strategy mentioned in the second bullet point works for grown women too :)

Illuminatan
Illuminatan

why is shea serrano gettin his coworkers and friends to comment on his stories? and why is he writing about his other job? shea serrano isnt a real writer and should be fired as a teacher and a writer for doing one job while hes supposed to be doing the other. is this the standard houston press has? id rather read free press houston...at least they have legit writers and throw real concerts

daniel
daniel

awesome 'extra credit'. i will be looking for more entries from Mr. Serrano

Gary Packwood
Gary Packwood

If you rap in Spanish and English about being a gangster, you will have a sizable fan base in Southeast Houston. That is a fact.::Exactly!

40+ percent of the people who live in Houston are Latino and they are young compared to the rest of us.

Whatever band ignores 40% of the market is about to go nowhere fast!

That also is a fact!

H_e_x
H_e_x

Where's your proof? Put up or shut upI can say I have proof you have sex with horses while fisting ducks, but refuse to post any evidence. Understand?

Wtf
Wtf

what the hell are you talking about? i haven't heard anything about this...

mansweater
mansweater

troll. clearly not a fph reader.

Thurobad
Thurobad

@illuminatan if you'd rather read FPH then why are you reading HP?

Wtf
Wtf

People read fph? I didn't even know it was a newspaper. I thought it was just a small group of liberals pushing their own agendas and calling it news... ever read the editor's notes? It's just the rambling of a small group of people... kind of like the Tea Party Movement but apparently when youre liberal you don't get called out for it.

mansweater
mansweater

well i'd hardly call the houston press a conservative publication... actually the whole political discussion is kind of out of the blue, don't you think?i liked this article and was annoyed that Illuminatan was calling for the writer's head. that's all i was trying to get across.

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