Local Musicians Choose Their Favorite Super Powers
It wasn't that long ago that a few brave filmmakers realized that it was in fact possible to make a superhero movie that didn't suck IQ points from an audience and might even, surprise surprise, be somewhat faithful to their comic-book origin. Heath Ledger winning a posthumous Best Supporting Actor Oscar for playing The Joker in The Dark Knight certainly didn't hurt the genre's credibility, nor did the fact that the film made like $1.21 gigadollars.
Lee Alexander, pictured with his band of invisible skulking perverts
So, Hollywood being Holly-is-a-gonna, we're slated to see a nice selection of superhero flicks this summer like Green Lantern and Thor.
Rocks Off tends to call our local musicians "hometown heroes," because if we were a Batman villain we would be the Alliterator! (Trust us, he's fought lamer.) Even though the moniker is just a phrase born from our own psychotic compulsion, it did make us wonder what we would end up with if some of our favorite local rockers were gifted with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men.
Before we go any further, Rocks Off bets you, true believers, that at least one of these involves invisibility and a girls' locker room.
Naturally, flying topped the list, with all but one musician polled at least mentioning that it would be nice. Personally, we don't really see it. Have you ever looked at your grill after a 70 mph drive between Austin and Houston? See the corpses of thousand of insects? That could be your eyes and teeth. There's no way Superman wasn't sporting some serious bug legs wedged between his pearly whites.
Practical guy that he is, Lee Alexander choose flight for a good reason: It would make schlepping amps up the stars at Rudyard's a lot easier. That's not exactly something the Avengers are looking for, but having hauled bass amps up the stairs at Avant Garden, we cab certainly sympathize.
Alexander also claimed he would use his powers to hang Christmas lights, effect roof repairs and clean pinecones out of his gutters. This proves something we have always secretly known - Lee Alexander's alter ego is in fact Ned Flanders. It should be noted that Alexander mentioned that the rest of his band unanimously choose invisibility "because they're skulking perverts."
See, we told you so.
But come on, guys! There is no theoretical boundary here! It's not like Rocks Off is actually handing out superpowers here and we're out of stock on the wacky ones. Doesn't anyone have something a bit more esoteric?