Taylor Swift's Top Nine Future Feuds
Still the No. 1 album in the country, Taylor Swift's Speak Now is awash in lyrics bashing her former flames, friends, lovers and Kanye West. The pop-country singer knows how to turn a bitter phrase, and we can only hope that she keeps getting better and better at it.
She's not yet 21, but Swift has already made mincemeat out of plenty of her enemies on record, so it only stands to reason that the next few decades will be rough going for whoever crosses this blonde, twangy Amazon.
Here are the imaginary beefs (beeves? beefes? beefi?) we can see the Swifty getting into in the next few years and beyond, including someone all too close to her.
9. Keith Richards: Keef snubs Swift's offer to play guitar on her new "Dead Flowers" duet with the chick from Lady Antebellum.
You used to roll but now you are just made of stone.
You are probably afraid to sleep alone.
And you smell like poot.
And look like you bathe in soot.
8. GWAR: The band constructs a ten-foot tall effigy of Swift that gets ripped apart Braveheart-style onstage.
You spew your blood and muck all over the stage
You may be much older than me
I hope I'm not so lame at your age.
Your morals are in a steel cage.
7. Justin Bieber: The tiny, and underage, Canadian rebuffs Swift's sexy text messages while on tour, and receives the Swift treatment for liking a little-known or liked Neil Young album that he is listening to.
You can whip your hair and sweat on your fans.
But in the end it was you that let go of my hand.
You feel asleep during Iron Man.
Your favorite Neil Young album is probably Trans.
6. Jeff Buckley: Swift's repeated emails to Buckley go unanswered for some reason, leading her to believe the long-dead troubadour is dissing her. Later on in the studio, she realizes he died when she was seven years old.
Why can't you write me back
It seems you have drifted off
Was my heart just a late-night snack?
Oh wait, you have been dead for 13 years? Oops.