Sunday Night: Rick Ross At Arena Theatre
Ed. Note: Due to an email malfunction, Shea was unable to send his review until Monday evening.
10:09 p.m.: Just walking in now. Papa Reu is finishing the catchy-but-not-catchy-enough-to-still-get-very-excited-about-hearing-it-live "Put It In The Air" song he's fond of doing and Z-Ro is just starting his endlessly relistenable "Mo City Don Freestyle." That, friends, is what we in the business refer to as perfect timing.
10:11: A couple of the girls behind the media pit are going word for word with Ro. Normally, a girl knowing the words to a thuggin' rap song is disconcerting (no woman has ever looked cute singing a Slim Thug song), however with regards to "Mo City" it's the opposite; it's actually more disconcerting if a woman DOESN'T know the words. You're better off telling a guy that you can be a bit bitey during blow jobs than telling him you don't know the words to that song.
10:17: Reu apparently has a song called "Bumble Bee Booty," in which he contemplates a woman's merit by asking, "What the buzz about?" to which someone responds, "She got a bumble bee booty." Ack. C'mon, Reu. When has an insect-based metaphor ever been a good idea?
10:20: J-Boss is here. And he's dancing. Awesome. J-Boss has quickly risen up the Incidental Rap World Personas We Hope To See At Rap Concerts charts lately. Guys with muscles doing dances are the best.
Z-Ro and friends
10:23: Johnny Dang curtails J-Boss's dancing for a bit by offering up his verse from "Stay Iced Up." Has there ever been a more beloved Vietnamese immigrant turned jeweler turned rapper than Dang? We propose no. You can't see him and not feel excited and happy. You know how it feels when you try to rush through the end of a pee and end up getting a drop or two on your shoes or the fly of your pants? Johnny Dang is the opposite of that feeling.
10:45: "Bone" by Homegurl. You know that song? It's the one with the chorus that goes, "He got a big dick and know how to use it." Is this what being objectified feels like, women? Yak. It's icky. We suppose the more important question, though, is HOW does one with a large penis use it incorrectly? Like, is he sitting around trying to open envelopes or make phone calls with it?
10:54: Booyah. Last Friday we guessed that Ross would take the stage no earlier than 10:45 and no later than 11:08. He's walking out now. We're not certain if guessing this correctly is something that should make us happy or sad. Sad, probably.
10:54:04: Yo, Trae is walking out onto stage with Ross. Excellent. Ross must not've gotten the memo from The Box (their banners are up all over outside the entrance, so we're assuming their hands are in on this show). Nice work, Mr. Ross. You can't do much more for your street image in Houston these days than to bring a modern-day rap martyr on stage with you.
10:56: Ross is wearing a rather unremarkable black zip-up sweater. This is disappointing for some reason.
10:57: Hmmm. Ross elected to open with "MC Hammer," an excellent choice because it's an exciting song, but it's not THE MOST exciting song he does. He follows that up though with "B.M.F.," a curious choice for the second song of his set because it's one of two songs he has that people in the audience said "Even if this show turns to total shit, we absolutely can not leave until he does this song" about.