Pocket Rockers: Ten Musicians 5'5" And Under

Categories: Lists

tinyrockers.jpg
Photo illustration by Monica Fuentes; click image to enlarge
The Tall Guys, l-r: Ric Ocasek (The Cars), John Mayer, Joey Ramone
Saturday night, closet cat lover and reigning Dark Lord Glenn Danzig will be in town for a headlining gig over at Warehouse Live. The diminutive, but no less awesome, goth-rocker and former Misfits lead singer will be playing songs from his new Deth Red Sabaoth LP. Let's be honest here, he is and forever will be the Misfits, no matter what that other touring group of idiots in make-up want you to believe.

Danzig gets a lot of flack about his height, but he's not the only male rocker who has to get his pants altered. Onstage some of these guys may look and act like they are ten feet tall and bulletproof, but up close the tallest of you may have to crouch down to take a picture with them. To be clear, Rocks Off himself isn't terribly tall, so we feel these artists pain, even though they can compensate with millions of dollars and groupies.

We cut off the limit on this list at 5'5", because anything over that is widely recognized as "average height," leaving U2's Bono off this list. He only measures in a 5'7", but you wouldn't know it by his personality. He's fond of the lift shoes, too.

1. Dan Jacobs, Atreyu (5'): The Atreyu guitarist crouches so low during that you can't tell he plays an axe that is almost as tall as him. He probably doesn't wear girl pants for fashion purposes, either.


2. Angus Young (5'2"): AC/DC's guitarist plays instruments that are almost as big as he is.


3. Prince (5'2"): This dude is petite, like a woman, but we are sure he could steal all of your wives and girlfriends if he wanted to.


4. Glenn Danzig (5'3"): Danzig has never been seen anywhere not wearing tall boots. Sadly, we understand his plight. We have a pair of motorcycle boots that make us feel a bit better when we go out.


5. Paul Simon (5'3"): You could probably put homeboy in your pocket if you wanted to.


6. Ronnie James Dio (5'4"): The late Holy Diver was slight, but boy did he pack a wallop in his voice. Rest in peace like a rainbow in the dark, sir.


7. Sully Erna, Godsmack (5'5"): The Godsmack front man looks a lot shorter onstage than we would have imagined. He's one of those that you always assume was a hoss by judging his voice.


8. Lou Reed (5'5"): Really? We never would have thought Lou was a smaller guy. So like, when he and Bowie were getting down, allegedly... never mind.


9. Thom Yorke (5'5"): The rest of the dudes in Radiohead tower over their gnomish lead singer. We have seen it live.


10. James Brown (5'5"): The Godfather of Damned Near Everything wasn't that tall, which probably helped to dance like a beast. The late singer did augment his height considerably with his famous pompadours and other hairdos.

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