FAIL: ABBA, Animal Collective, Diddy, Pete Doherty

Photo illustrations by John Seaborn Gray
Hooray! Now Your Feet Are Boring, Too!: A clothing designer called Keep took a whole bunch of ecstasy (probably) and then invited Animal Collective's Avery Tare to design some shoes for them. By "design," we of course mean "scribble on some plain beige loafers which can then be sold for 75 fucking dollars."

He didn't even cover the whole shoe, instead choosing to draw a "custom printed ghost pattern" that looks like a blue Shyguy from Super Mario Brothers 2. Advance sales will also come with a cassette tape (of course) of unreleased music for you to drowse off to, and you'd think that would be enough twee douchery for your buck, but oh, there's more.

It wouldn't be a smug hipster venture if the proceeds weren't going to some useless-ass charity, and wouldn't you know it, those proceeds are going to the Socorro Island Preservation Fund, which is a fund started by precious, wealthy Californians who want to make sure their offshore reefs stay pretty while they're out scuba diving and not giving money to starving/sick people.

Fair warning: Wearing these shoes around Rocks Off staff will result in having them stripped from your feet and smeared with our fecal matter. No, never mind. That would make them look way more interesting, and we won't have Tare or Keep taking credit for our fashionable Poop Shoes.

No One Cares About Sean "Puff Puffy P. Diddy Daddy" Combs Anymore, and It Scares Him: Unless you can think of a better reason for him to be wearing a kilt while performing his irrelevant music. You can almost taste his fear. "Hey! I still matter! Y'all saw Get Him to the Greek, right? I was good in that, right? Remember that Zeppelin song I did for that shitty Godzilla movie? That was cool, right? Please, please say I'm still cool. I'll do anything."

We know, Sean. Shhh. It's gonna be okay. (Not really, you're done.)

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