Lady Gaga: Other Foods To Wear Onstage Besides Raw Meat
Rocks Off is pretty Lady Gaga-friendly, what with our covering July's concerts at Toyota Center like she was the goddamned Pope or something. For a few weeks there we managed to invoke her name at least once a day somehow. Maybe comparing her to Little Joe Washington was a stretch.
Unfortunately - actually, fortunately - we couldn't watch the MTV Video Music Awards Sunday night to see any of the goings on. We were too busy at the Arena Theatre waiting for Huey Lewis and the News to not sing "Back In Time."
Among Lady Gaga's costume changes Sunday, which numbered three or four by our count, was a dress made of raw beef. Not unlike the suit she donned for her Terry Richardson-shot cover of Japanese Vogue, this one allowed for more movement and came with meat heels and a meat hat.
Monday morning the world was up in arms over the outfit, with people screaming about its lack of taste and tact, or applauding its innovation and boundary destruction. Now that the world is two years into the Gaga phenomenon, it's amazing to us that people are still being shocked - as if they expected her to be tame on an awards show.
The meat was in fact real, coming from the designer Franc Fernandez's family butcher, and by the looks of it, only held together with twine and ties. Gaga even managed to slip some trademark ass exposure into the back of the dress. Not that Rocks Off right-clicked and saved a picture of it or anything, or posted it on our personal Tumblr.
As for the smell, we can only imagine it smelled like the meat section at your local grocery store. Seems to us if people can wear animal fur, skin or those cowboy boots with snake heads on them you see at the flea market, why can't you wear raw meat?
You can cook it afterward, too. Wouldn't the heat kill the germs anyway? That's what we would keep telling ourselves.
Donuts would be kinda sexy, considering the scandalous peekaboo holes on them. You would leave just a little to the imagination to make the men go wild. Insert your own cop joke here if you want.
All you saucy pescatarians out there were probably howling at the television last night asking why Gaga wasn't wearing fish. It's true, fish would have been way more colorful than boring red flesh. Imagine a purse made of pet-store goldfish, heels with catfish heads on the toe, and a rainbow trout dress.
You could look like a flapper from the Roaring '20s dancing a step with your fella in a speakeasy while you gyrated to some hot jazz sounds while wearing a fringey number made of french fries.