Musicians Who Will Fetch The Least In TwitChange Auction

Categories: Digitalia

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TwitChange, a charity organization dedicated to helping Haiti led by the only Desperate Housewife who doesn't look at least partially mummified, Eva Longoria, is having an auction that will change the very nature of self-obsession as we know it. Several celebrities have gotten together and agreed to let their Twitter selves be auctioned off.

The highest bidder will be followed by that celebrity, and will be mentioned in what's called a "special retweet" by that celebrity. We have to admit we see the appeal; we've been retweeted a couple of times by Ted Leo, Mike Doughty and Amber Benson, and we'd be lying if we said it didn't feel kind of cool.

Twitter is like that, gently tickling your ego from time to time in various ways. If you're not careful, you'll smell something funny one day and realize you've disappeared up your own ass.

Still, there are some celebrities on Twitter, musicians in particular, who appeal to even our jaded sensibilities. Who wouldn't want to get a follow from Kelly Clarkson, MC Hammer or Tears For Fears' Curt Smith? We're not made of stone here, people.

And then, of course, there are the ones with fanatical followings who can't help but fetch huge, huge payoffs like Justin Bieber, Usher, and at least two of the four Jonas brothers. But what about the musicians who aren't so desirable? We have some ideas about which musicians might fetch the least for their followship.

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Fred Durst: From what we've seen, Fred Durst is one of the nicest of all the celebrities on Twitter, constantly thanking and replying to his fans. But that's a problem: if you're too attentive to your followers, you devalue your attention. Cold celebrity bitches who never, ever reply or retweet their fans will fetch the highest bids because it would be such a novelty to receive their notice. Durst, unfortunately, has saturated his own Twitter market by simply not being a dick.

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Paris Hilton: It might seem like a bit of a cheat to call Paris Hilton a musician, but she did release an execrably bad album and keeps threatening to release another, so she's fair game. As for why she wouldn't fetch much at a bid: Whatever Hilton's "special retweet" might entail, we're pretty sure we don't want any part of it. Better to just not go there.

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