KISS Merchandise The Band Hasn't Thought Of... Yet

kiss_pandas.jpg
owensworld.com
KISS pulls back into Houston Friday night for a show over at Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion, less than a year after their last Bayou City stop at the Toyota Center. We aren't really sure if this show will be much different than the one we saw in December, save for this time you should wear Off to ward off bugs.

Slain Pantera/Damageplan guitarist Dimebag Darrell was buried in a KISS casket. You may own a pair of KISS boxers you got as a stocking stuffer. More than likely, you are in the vicinity of someone who has a set of KISS shot glasses. KISS has made the equivalent of a small European country's gross domestic product with their strange line of items.

But what about all the stuff KISS hasn't made yet? Imagine if they moved on from normal band merchandise - not that a coffin is the exactly the norm or anything - and instead began moving into more permanent, lasting ways to waste your money. Rocks Off made up a list of dream KISS items we would like to see.

kiss-nuvaring.jpg
Photo illustrations by John Seaborn Gray
KISS Nuva Rings: Out with the old and in with the round, with KISS' new line of contraceptives. You've seen the KISS condoms on the racks and may have even used KISS' home vasectomy kit, but this is a new frontier in family planning. Ladies, simply insert the KISS Nuva Ring, available in your choice of KISS packaging, in your woman business and let Dr. Love do all the talking to your ovaries.


KISS Exorcism Kit: Everyone loves exorcisms these days, from television and movies, to their local neighborhoods weeding out undesirables. Using KISS' "Heaven's On Fire" Exorcism Kit, rid your family members or pets of their satanic possessors.


Detroit Rock City: Yes, KISS understands the plight of one of our country's most dilapidated cities and intends to do something about it. With a team of stateside and international investors, the band will legally aquire the entire Detro metro area and redub it Detroit Rock City. Restaurants, concert venues, theme parks, bars, hotels, resorts, brothels and a chain of KISS Marts will turn one of the most tarnished jewels in America into a prime destination for young and old.


KISS Makeup: It was only a matter of time that the boys would get into the makeup game. For almost 40 years they have been putting on the powder for you, so why not give a little back? Foundation, liquid eyeliner and removers are just the beginning. Working with top make-up stylists, KISS is rethinking how you put on mime makeup.



My Voice Nation Help
0 comments
Sort: Newest | Oldest

Now Trending

Houston Concert Tickets

From the Vault

 

Loading...