The Ultimate Sandal-Rock Mixtape
Tonight Craig's Hlist will drive all the way out the Woodlands to see Jack Johnson, one of sandal-rock's biggest superstars. He's like
the Lady the Rolling Stones of sandal-rock. He's like the McDonald's of sandal-rock. He's James Taylor for people who shop at Whole Foods. He's the Sex Pistols for people who wear sandals with socks. That makes John Mayer the Burger King of... OK, now we are just treading water.
What is sandal-rock, you ask? Ah, that's just a term that Craig's Hlist made up as shorthand for bands and artists who spout an easy-breezy Cover Girl beach life that we never understood because we can't swim. The bands you can't listen to while wearing a crusty leather jacket and crossing state lines with an underage girl.
This isn't the kind of music you listen to when you are sad, angry or just generally clinically depressed, at least not in our experience. The sad thing is that as much shit we talk, we have had run-ins with all these guys at one time or another along our musical journey.
One of our first concerts away from the parents was Dave Matthews Band in 1996. We owned some Sublime discs in high school, and Craig's Hlist once slumped in a corner at a G. Love show double-fisting whiskeys until it was over at the behest of our sandal-rocking ex-girlfriend who was having a blast.
You ever see that episode of Maury where he puts the people who were afraid of clowns in a room with clowns and they freak the fuck out and try to fight the clowns? It was like that except our brain was the clowns and we were killing it with booze. By that rationale we have been fighting clowns since 2004.
So we do have a sandal-rock past and we can point as many of our chubby Vienna sausage fingers as we want. Somewhere on our home computer lurks the Jason Mraz single "I'm Yours" but we will be goddamned if we own a G. Love album.
We picked the definitive sandal-rock playlist to get you stoked for tonight's Jack Johnson show, which G. Love & Special Sauce is opening. Which puts us getting to our seats around five minutes before Johnson goes on.