Musicians: Five Reasons Your Girlfriend Hates You

Categories: Lists

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For ladies dating dudes in bands, life can get rough. You are either seen as a trophy or a hindrance to his true rock and roll dreams, arm candy and not the actual real live human being you in fact are. Depending on how successful his band is, your man is constantly the focal point of dozens or even thousands of other women who don't know or particularly care that he is with you.

On top of that, band membership very much nurtures the Peter Pan aesthetic, so all those domesticating trips to Ikea and the times you made him wear a napkin at dinner become moot after your man spends a few weeks on the road with his bandmates. Dating a music journalist, on the other hand, is awesome. We almost never sleep with anyone and have a ghostly white-pallor from sitting inside all day on the computer, but you get free concert tickets. Sometimes. On the downside, we make really overwrought playlists.

Rocks Off talked to several Houston women who know what it's like to be the girlfriend or wife of someone in a band; responses ranged from hilarious rage to outright annoyance. Before you decide to pick up that guitarist or drummer, be sure to read this blog. It may save you time, money, a few months of hassle and maybe even a broken heart. These ladies remain safely anonymous, but their comments are verbatim.

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1. AFTER YOU PLAY, YOU GET SLUTTY... AND YOU SMELL

"Don't get drunk at your show to 'be a better performer' and then try to come on to me. Yes, we're dating, but that doesn't give you an excuse to be an ass to me at your show."

"I have to smell his stank ass all the way home after a gig. When he tries to kiss me, I get his gnarly beard sweat all over my face. Then I have to smell it because its all over me."

"He's always sweaty and smelly after he plays and he refuses to take a shower. I don't want to fuck you when you're gross like that."

"He liked his booze and may or may not have wet the bed, with me in it, on several occasions."


2. YOUR BANDMATES SUCK

"There is always one member that is a total douche bag. He is the shit, the best, and you better listen to him, cuz if you don't - be ready for threats of being kicked out of the band or replaced. He is always right, does not want your opinion, and is usually not that great of a musician, but he doesn't know that."

"If something happens between the couple (girl and guy in band), the band is out for you. They talk shit, or just all-out ignore you - even if you still dropped $20 to get into some shitty dive club to see them play. Apparently a fight with the BF in the band is a fight with the whole band."

"Just because I am dating you does not mean I should be friends with all the other girlfriends of the guys in the band. Plus, most of us hate each other from fighting over dudes in better bands than yours."


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