FAIL: Courtney Love, Joe Jackson, Gravity

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Photo illustrations by John Seaborn Gray
Courtney Love Is Not Having an Easy Time of It: First, the lawsuit involving Courtney's share of Nirvana's musical rights was settled, most likely for less than she wanted. We have a hard time mustering up any sympathy there, but even we get uncomfortable and sad when we see the desperate, heartbroken tweets Courtney left for her daughter this week on Francis Bean's 18th birthday. Go ahead, have a look.

She starts out with a link to this video, and it just gets more depressing and bizarre from there. Those familiar with Courtney's writing will notice even more typos and misspellings than usual, and it's easy to imagine a disoriented, tear-stained Hole singer breaking down as she frantically cries out for some kind of acknowledgement from her daughter through one of the only avenues she has left: Twitter.

Fails doesn't know all the details of their falling out. It's possible no one does outside of Courtney and Francis Bean, so we're not going to take a side. Even without any kind of allegiance, though, it's still clear that what's going on is just monumentally sad. Even if it's as manipulative as people say it is, even if there is some kind of ulterior motive, it's still sad, sad, sad.

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Joe Jackson Not Getting Enough Meat Off His Dead Son's Bones: In November of last year, a probate court decided that Michael Jackson's father Joe did not have the right to object to the provisions of Michael's last will and testament, the provision he no doubt objected to most undoubtedly being the one where he's left out entirely.

Michael was not fond of his father, who allegedly abused him often as a child, both physically and psychologically, and tried to keep working his way back into his son's life the entire time he was alive. You remember right after Michael died, how every time any reporter asked Joe how his grieving process was going, he used the opportunity to promote his record label? Well, he's bringing all that classy behavior to his appeal to the California courts which, up to now, have respected his son's right to hate his guts and not leave him a single goddamned cent.

Joe claims the will denies him the "dignity and worth" he deserves. Not at all, Joe; if the will was designed to afford you the dignity and worth you deserve, there would be a provision which stated that you were to have gold coins pumped into your colon, and then be suspended like a piñata as Michael's other friends and family bashed as much of it out of you as they possibly could. Let's all hope Joe tries out Propofol for himself sometime soon, to see what all the fuss is about.

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