The Ultimate Houston Rap Battle Royal: Who Should You Fight?
Of all of the Rap Round Table columns that have gone up, none generated more emails than this past Monday's "Which Rappers Would You Fight?" segment. Some people were pissed, some people were entertained, but most everyone had the same basic question: Why didn't anyone list any Houston rappers?
Photo illustration by John Seaborn Gray
It's a legitimate question. Even considering the rapper responses that didn't make the cut for the column, not one single person listed any Houston dudes. (It's worth mentioning that Yung Redd said that that's exactly what would happen when he we spoke with him about it.)
Big as the city is, most of the rappers here touch hands eventually (except at Trae Day, of course), so maybe it's because nobody wanted to step on any toes. Or maybe it's because they've all taken to airing out their grievances on Twitter like real thugs. Whatever the case may be, they didn't answer.
So we did. For more than 70 living Houston rappers.
Hit the jump for the full guide on which ones you should or should not try to fight if you see them at the Galleria.
SHOULD YOU FIGHT...
Bun B: No. There is never a circumstance where it's okay to fight Bun B. Never. Not ever. If you get home from a long day's work tonight and walk in on him having sex with your girlfriend after he had just finished nailing your little sister, your mother and your favorite Aunt, you still shouldn't. Matter of fact, you should probably take a second to make him a sandwich and fix him a drink. Because's probably tired. Don't be an inconsiderate host, dick. #trill
Bushwick Bill: No. Sure, he claimed to have gone the Christian route recently, but he's still the guy that rapped about blowing a little girl's back off with 900 missiles. You think he'd hesitate to stomp you in the head?
Scarface: Yes. If you're going to try and bag a Geto Boy, 'Face is probably the one to go after. Not only is he the most iconic, which is a trait* that absolutely plays against him in this type of rankings, but he also looks like he'd have trouble with lateral movements. You know how they say if you run into an alligator on land you're not supposed to run straight back, you're supposed to make circles around and around him because they're really fast in straight lines but have a hard time turning? Probably the same thing here. Go with that fight plan.
*Here's what we mean about how being iconic plays against him here. Think on it like this: Would you rather fight Nas or Pitbull? Nas, of course. Because even though you'd probably beat up Pitbull, who gives a shit if you fought Pitbull? Nobody, that's who.
Willie D: Fuck no.