Bono, Gaga And ZZ Top Write Like Raymond Chandler? Who Knew?

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Ask anyone who really knows Rocks Off, and they'll probably tell you we can be a little slow on the uptake sometimes. We proved this once again earlier this week, when we updated our Facebook status with a plea for someone to explain to us what in tarnation a "meme" is.

We should have waited a few hours. Later that afternoon, a fascinating little time-waster called "I Write Like..." started showing up on our feed. Then it showed up again. And again.

All you do is paste some of your text (or anyone else's) into a box and click the "Analyze" button, and IWL tells you whichever writer, who has no doubt sold a lot more books than you have, that your writing most resembles. Rocks Off was so fascinated by this we tried it twice, first with a draft of an upcoming article we're writing and then with our recent review of Hole at House of Blues.

We got Arthur C. Clarke (2001: A Space Odyssey) the first time and William Gibson (Neuromancer) the second. Which is cool; we had never realized our style had such a sci-fi influence before. We just did it again with this introduction and got David Foster Wallace. Uh oh...

Then we started wondering, "Who would it say Bruce Springsteen writes like?" And then...

Artist: Bruce Springsteen
Sample: "Born To Run"

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In the day we sweat it out in the streets of a runaway American dream
At night we ride through mansions of glory in suicide machines
Sprung from cages out on highway 9,
Chrome wheeled, fuel injected and steppin out over the line
Baby this town rips the bones from your back
Its a death trap, it's a suicide rap
We gotta get out while were young
`cause tramps like us, baby we were born to run

Wendy let me in I wanna be your friend
I want to guard your dreams and visions
Just wrap your legs round these velvet rims
And strap your hands across my engines
Together we could break this trap
Well run till we drop, baby well never go back
Will you walk with me out on the wire
`cause baby Im just a scared and lonely rider
But I gotta find out how it feels
I want to know if love is wild, girl I want to know if love is real

Writes Like: Stephen King

Artist: Bob Dylan
Sample: "Like a Rolling Stone"

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Once upon a time you dressed so fine
You threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn't you ?
People'd call, say, "Beware doll, you're bound to fall"
You thought they were all kiddin' you
You used to laugh about
Everybody that was hangin' out
Now you don't talk so loud
Now you don't seem so proud
About having to be scrounging for your next meal.

How does it feel
How does it feel
To be without a home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone ?

You've gone to the finest school all right, Miss Lonely
But you know you only used to get juiced in it
And nobody has ever taught you how to live on the street
And now you find out you're gonna have to get used to it
You said you'd never compromise
With the mystery tramp, but know you realize
He's not selling any alibis
As you stare into the vacuum of his eyes
And say do you want to make a deal?

Writes Like: Ian Fleming

Rolling Stones
Sample: "Honky Tonk Woman"

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I met a gin soaked, bar-room queen in Memphis,
She tried to take me upstairs for a ride.
She had to heave me right across her shoulder
'Cause I just can't seem to drink you off my mind.

It's the honky tonk women
Gimme, gimme, gimme the honky tonk blues.

I played a divorcee in New York City,
I had to put up some kind of a fight.
The lady then she covered me with roses,
She blew my nose and then she blew my mind.

Writes Like: Kurt Vonnegut


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