Top 5 Bands That Should Relax For A Bit

Categories: Lists
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Craig Hlavaty
Wednesday, Rocks Off got an e-mail from the Dave Matthews Band PR team saying that the group would be taking 2011 off so they could come back in 2012. Whether or not this is to hasten the coming Apocalypse that year or just to live a normal life for a bit remains to be seen. God Bless Dave Matthews, but Jesus Christ, brah - to use the parlance of his fan base - this is a well-deserved break.

This got us to thinking about other bands that should chill the hell out for a few touring cycles. We don't necessarily want them to go away forever, but we can see them running their asses into the ground in planes and tour buses. Even Rocks Off needs a break from his computer every few months for Stella to get his groove back. It really helps the whole creative process if you can do human stuff away from work. Like sleep, cook, and not talk to publicists all damned day.

You know how when you come back from an extended trip with good friends, like a camping expedition, and you just want to be away from them for a few days to miss them again? This is what we are proposing for these five bands. Go away so we can appreciate you.

Get fat, grow a beard, and make us yearn for your sound all over again.

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U2: We are pro-U2 around these parts [Ed. Note: VERY.], but we think we could stand not seeing Bono and the Edge for a few years. After this touring cycle behind No Line On the Horizon, we hope to not see them until 2014 if possible. That will give us and them time to discover them all over again. Most of their albums sneak up on us, so we could be down with a few years to build up another obsession with Achtung Baby. Maybe they could return for the 30th anniversary of War?

Kings of Leon: These Nashville boys have been running themselves ragged since at least the end of 2007, with two consecutive albums with little time in between touring and albums. We liked 2008's Only By The Night just fine, but the last two times we saw them live, the boys were sluggish and pissy. Go away to the ranch for a few years, jam in a barn, and come back like the he-men you were in 2005. We can tide ourselves over with Ha Ha Tonka.

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Smashing Pumpkins: Billy Corgan, stop putting out music under the Pumpkins name and go away for five years. In the interim, produce younger bands and reconnect with James Iha, Jimmy Chamberlain and D'arcy Wretzky, then put a real Pumpkins album out. What you are doing now is a glorified solo deal. The Pumpkins were you four from 1992-2000. Come back in 2015, play Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness every night in its entirety (or maybe a shorter edit) and make us feel 12 years old all over again. It will be 20 years since its release, and people like us will miss mortgage payments for that tour.

Nine Inch Nails: As a recent Pretty Hate Machine obsessive, we would clamor for a Nine Inch Nails tour. But the last few albums that Trent Reznor popped out were dull affairs. Yes, they had their moments and we may end changing our tune in a few years, but they sound tired. Reznor is doing the right thing by working on this How to Destroy Angels project with his wife, but then we read hints about new NIN stuff and we get angry. He said this spring that they (whoever is NIN) were done for a while, but we are skeptical. Retire the NIN name and just GTFO for a bit. Wait 20 years and tour with Marilyn Manson on some 93.7 The Arrow package tour with Orgy.

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Bruce Springsteen: Oh man, we are going to hell for this one. The Boss needs to go on a long vacation for about three or four years. The last two albums with the E Streeters were not on par with his early 00's renaissance. Remember how powerful The Rising was? Granted it came in the wake of 9/11, but it was still a killer album. Magic and Working On A Dream had their moments but they seemed like excuses to tour. Bruce, you don't need an excuse to tour. We will come see you no matter what; just don't make us buy a new album for it to happen.

BONUS BANDS

Weezer: Stop shitting out albums with singles for soccer moms and car commercials. You are as lame as OK Go now, but the one thing you have going for you is your first three albums. Recapture that magic, and we will come back.

Green Day: Stop making every album an epic. We get it - you are old and want to be The Who now. But even the Who did things like "Eminence Front." At this point, we see the Foxboro Hot Tubs as more Green Day than the real Green Day.

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