|What so proudly we hailed... Can you pass the earplugs, please?|
You can be forgiven for not realizing Opening Day for baseball season was here already (yesterday
, in fact). Maybe you've been too busy cursing the guy in your NCAA tournament pool that filled out his brackets using the coin-flip method and ended up with Butler in the championship. Maybe you're still amped up over the USA's first ever medals
in Nordic Combined.
Maybe you just don't give a shit about sports, or you've finally come to terms with the Astros' chances
One thing's certain, however: Baseball parks across this great nation will ring out today with earnest renditions of "The Star-Spangled Banner." What we still don't know is how any of these performances will rank among the all-time worst.
Roseanne, Cincinnati Reds vs. San Diego Padres (1990)
Man, Rocks Off remembers the righteous indignation following this one, with none other than President George H.W. Bush calling it a "disgraceful" rendition
. We guess a comedienne
goofing on the anthem is more troublesome to most of us than Major League Baseball's continued coddling of wife-beaters
Bleeding Gums Murphy, Springfield Isotopes vs. Shelbyville Shelbyvillians (1990)
An obvious riff on Jose Feliciano's famous interpretation from the 1968 World Series, Murphy's 26-minute version distracts most people from the terribly offensive fact that Maggie doesn't take her damn hat off.
Carl Lewis, Chicago Bulls vs. New Jersey Nets (1993)
U of H alumnus Lewis remains one of the premiere track and field athletes of all time, with nine Olympic gold medals and almost as many IAAF World Championship golds. Unfortunately, his sprint and long-jump talents don't translate to vocal ability, as you can see in this terrifying performance
before a Bulls-Nets game.
How bad was it? That's Nets forward Derrick Coleman cowering in his jacket, and if you can embarrass a guy who was once accused of urinating
in the middle of a restaurant, you've got a special talent.