Allergic To Myself: Songs Guaranteed Not To Make You Sneeze

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If you're new to Houston, you may be wondering what all that yellow crap on your car (and on the road, and in your hair...) is. Well, it's oak pollen, and along with sweltering humidity, infuriating traffic, and the occasional hurricane, it's one of the things that makes living here such a delight.

Right now, we're experiencing a record run of extreme pollen-count days, so there's not much you can do about it. Our advice is to avoid the outdoors (like you don't do that anyway) and play some music. Perhaps these allergy-related songs will do the trick.

​Barenaked Ladies, "Allergies": Musical career not panning out like you'd hoped? Record a children's album! And maybe next time you'll save more of that "Million dollars."

The Cows, "Allergic to Myself": You think sweeping pollen off your porch is bad, try having to take Zyrtec just for being you.

Bad Religion, "Infected": This might be more appropriate for when the next Ebola variant hits, but here at Rocks Off we try to be democratic about our ailment-related music.

​Berlin, "Take My Breath Away": Rocks Off doesn't know if this song actually causes oxygen deprivation, but there must be something to explain why we fell asleep in the theater watching Top Gun on a date in high school.

The Jacksons & Mick Jagger, "State of Shock": As in "anaphylactic." We're not in a position to make lifestyle judgments, but if your reaction to oak pollen is this severe, perhaps you should consider moving somewhere less densely forested. Like, say, McMurdo Station, Antarctica.