Fails Of The Week: The Runaways, Pete Doherty, The Strokes And Liam Gallagher

If you're reading this, you're either on the Internet, or else you've mastered multi-dimensional thought-projection processes that would make Michio Kaku cry like a little girl. We'll assume the former, and just in case you don't already know, the Internet has decided that the word "failure" is too long by three letters. You are now only allowed to say that a failure is, in fact, a "fail," or else you have your Internet license revoked. All caught up? Great! Here are this week's most monumental fails from within the music community.

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Photo illustrations by John Seaborn Gray

Runaways is Box Office Poison

For a film that caught so much hype, the film based on Joan Jett and Cherie Currie's first band, The Runaways, sure flopped pretty badly. Even though it's only in limited release, box office returns have been disappointing on a theater-by-theater basis, which probably won't have any lasting effect on Dakota Fanning or Kristen Stewart's careers, but it certainly bodes ill for rock and roll; you kids would really rather see these two jailbait-y girls moping after bedazzled vampires than getting sweaty onstage, pounding out old Runaways tunes?

Rocks Off does not understand this generation.

Pete Doherty, Drugs, Arrested, Etc.

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Pete Doherty occasionally sings for a band called Babyshambles, but what he's really famous for is his ability to stand out as a colossally uncontrollable screwup in a business filled with suicidal crybabies and self-destructive drug addicts. Well, he managed to get arrested again, this time for his suspected involvement in the death of heiress Robin Whitehead.

The authorities are saying Doherty sold her the drugs that killed her, which is awful, but by the same token, we don't think we'd accept so much as a Twinkie still in its wrapper from him, much less drugs. Sort of a "let the buyer beware" kind of thing.

By the way, Doherty lives in a nine-bedroom red brick house in the gorgeous English countryside, so think about that while you're responsibly paying your bills, filling out your census forms, getting to work five minutes early, or whatever it is you do all day while Pete shoots heroin into his urethra and sleeps with supermodels with the resulting opium boner.


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