He Said She Said: "Dear Penis" And Other Country Comedy Classics

rodney kingofthemountains.jpg

Aside from all the epic cheating, drinking and fighting songs country music has given us, one of the best things it does is make us laugh. Apart from all the crying and cussing, there is a whole deal of laughing going on.

This year at RodeoHouston, there aren't many performers on the humorous side, unless you think Darius Rucker doing Prince's "Purple Rain" is gut-busting, or you giggle at the fact that Rascal Flatts gets paid to stand in front of a crowd and desecrate all music, not just country. We could just load up five Flatts videos as our list, but we love you readers too damned much to hurt you like that. And don't even bring up the Blue Collar Comedy Tour. The only one of those guys we would party with would be Ron White. That douchelord Jeff Foxworthy has caused us nothing but misery and tears for the past 20 years.

Blame the genre's inherent storytelling aspect and down-home attitude for the way some songs can make even the most hardened of us grin like idiots. Some of He Said's earliest country memories are the goofy things that people like Ray Stevens were doing throughout the '80s. We even grew up on reruns of classic country comedy television like Hee Haw and the Beverly Hillbillies through Nick At Nite and some of the country cable channels.

Here are He Said's five favorite country side-splitters. Predictably, we had to sneak one Ray Stevens song on here, and we went the blue route and dialed up some Rodney Carrington for you. It was worth it.

Conway Twitty & Loretta Lynn, "You're The Reason Our Kids Are Ugly"

Of all the songs that Twitty and Mrs. Lynn collaborated on, this is our favorite. How many times do you think your own parents have sat in silence, cursing each other under their breaths and thought the same thing? Not saying you are ugly or anything, but still. You are.

C.W. McCall, "Convoy"

We guess a song about renegade truckers is "funny." Today, they would be labeled terrorists for breaking through a police barricade and would probably be the ones listening to Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh and throwing tea parties. This song makes us yearn for the old days of trucking when all you needed was a streetwise orangutan and maybe the ability to win custody of your child through televised arm-wrestling matches.

Rodney Carrington, "Dear Penis"

This is by far one of the most realistic depictions of the male penile experience. Things begin so joyous and fruitful, until nature tells you to cram it and revolts on you. At least chicks can get boob jobs - guys get nothing except late-night boner-pill ads with Jimmy Johnson.

Jerry Reed, "She Got The Gold Mine (I Got The Shaft)"

The late Jerry Reed always seemed like he would be one of the ultimate guys to have your back in a honky-tonk fight. He was probably a fun, destructive drunk to boot.

Ray Stevens, "Mississippi Squirrel Revival"

Stevens is pretty much the Beatles of country comedy. Through the sublime "Shriner's Convention" and "The Streak" through the cringe-inducing "Bridget the Midget" and more recent "Osama Yo Mama" and "We The People," the Georgia native has kept things tame but knows how to straddle the line.


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