God Dammit. The show was advertised as starting at 7 p.m. on the Toyota Center site, which of course means it'll start exactly at 8 p.m., which of course means it'll really start AROUND 8:15 p.m., which is more like 8:30 p.m., but we still haven't figured out that this is how all rap concerts work because we're a moron so we're at the show an hour early with all of the other unimportant people.
Joey Guerra from the Chronicle
just sat down next to us. We shake his hand and make nice, but secretly hope that the Twitter app on his phone dies about 30 minutes into the show. That would just drive him nuts, for certain. By our calculations, he's been here for about 45 seconds so that should means he's tweeted 1,200 times already. It's like the guy has 17 fingers or something.
Sitting to our left is a mom who brought her 14-year-old son and a couple of his friends. They're a nice group. She's originally from New York and is perplexed by the amount of drugs not being done at this concert. She's also a gynecologist. We mention this because we plan on referencing her later, at which point we will refer to her as Gyno-Mom. Thanks.
Oh, hey, Trey Songz is starting. He's an hour and 10 minutes late but that's like he's actually 10 minutes early. Cool, cool.
They're showing that album cover of Songz where he has his shirt off on a big screen. It looks like he's either got an outtie or his belly button is pierced. Doesn't matter which it is though, because both options are gross.
Ack. Some obnoxious guy in a neck scarf is sitting a couple rows down from us. Just to be clear about this, readers: If you wear a scarf indoors and you're not Kanye West, Jay-Z or the guy from the Red Baron Pizza box, you look like a fool.
That's a clever way of saying that the show up to this point has been pretty boring without actually saying it. And that's a clarification that's really a backhanded insult, seeing as how we figured that some of you all might not be able to put that first arrowed statement together.
Songz has one of those big light walls behind him that people have been using a lot lately. When utilized properly, it can be very, very effective. When used improperly, however, you end up looking at a bunch of shots of a guy licking some girl's chest or some roses on fire or something.
One kind of notable thing about the light wall: A couple of times, they'll flash a girl's silhouette up there. And Songz is positioned in just the right spot so that the shadow of his head is in the her crotch. We're not sure if that was an accident or not, but it's funny for sure. It's like she's giving breech birth to a very self-indulgent shadow.