Welcome back to Five Spot. Every Friday, we'll examine a recent bit of music news and, sometimes awkwardly, tie it to a bit of Houston rap. It's five videos and occasional cussing. Send tips to email@example.com.
Count the GRIT Boys, a trio of Houston rappers who've been bubbling around for some time now, among those who have a steady following of email-happy fans.
Here's what happened: Earlier in the week we covered Bun B's "Houston 4 Haiti" relief concert
that was aimed at raising funds for victims of last week's earthquake. We went out, took in some music, wrote down some notes and transcribed them in our typical timeline fashion.
Though there were only seven or so acts on the bill, about 215 ended up performing; most did two, maybe three songs. The GRIT Boys were one of them. Here's what we wrote:
"6:30 p.m.: The GRIT Boys are pumping through a few of their songs. How is it that these guys never really gained any serious traction? Is it because one of their guys is named "Scooby"? Has there ever been a rapper with the same name as a cartoon dog who was able to blow up? Probably something you want to consider when you're coming up with your rap name."
Harmless. A joke about Scooby's name, sure, but really a backwards compliment to the quality of their music. But holy shit if the world didn't stop spinning. It was like we reported that they had molested a seven-year-old autistic child.
Somehow, those 67 words were perceived to be a hearty and unforgivable blow lobbed at a group that we referred to as "smart, well-thought-out, clever lyricists" in a 2007 article
. We received several very poorly constructed emails from people displeased with what we wrote (most were of the "your just a hatin'-ass bitch" variety, but one did manage to successfully construct an entire sentence; it even had a proper subject-verb relationship), and even received a call from Scooby himself.
The joke of it though, is that Scooby, who was pleased to learn that we, in fact, were not hatin'-ass bitches, decided not too long ago that a name change may be in order (he told us what the new name will be, but we'll wait for him to lay it on you). Apparently, even when we're dicking around we're tossing nuggets of insight.
Basically, what we mean to say, soon-to-be-former GRIT Boys, is we accept your apology. And because he's a polite enough fellow, The Artist Formerly Known As Scooby passed along five MP3s from Too Much Music, the new mixtape from The GRIT Boy Gang (the Grit Boys, Paul Wall, Yung Redd, Young B, Starchy Arch and HAWK).
For whatever reason, GRIT Boy A decided that he was going to talk in the third person for the last day or two. And on top of that, he also decided that he'd rather not be referred to by his name anymore, instead opting to be called "T-Rex."
So he's been walking around the house saying stuff like, "T-Rex wants a lollipop" and "T-Rex doesn't want to take a nap." We know that it's not his intention, but it kind of seems like he's trying to imply that he has a big penis. It's weird. What does this have to do with "Go Harder"? Nothing. Not one thing at all.
"And that's word to my father, but fuck him, cause he ain't even bother."
We have not yet heard this entire album, but we're certain there isn't a better line on it than that.
Starchy Arch put his stamp on this track. There's really no two ways about it. Sorry. Please direct your hate mail to firstname.lastname@example.org
Every time we talk to any type of group - rap, rock, whatever - we automatically size up the group members and try and decide who would kick the crap out of the other people in the group if they all got into a fight. With these guys, it seems pretty clear: 'Nique destroys the other two, with Scooby just edging out Poppy for second place.
The results from other local rap groups (we're pretending like some people aren't dead):
H.I.S.D.: Savvi takes it hands down. He'd probably fight Equality and L Da Voice at the same time just for fun. Scottie Spitten finishes runner-up.
Screwed Up Click: Big HAWK. He looked like he could've really fucked you up if he wanted to.
Guerilla MAAB: Z-Ro edges out Trae. The city would be rubble after this. It'd be like when Will Smith and Charlize Theron fought in Hancock.
SPC: This is a toss up between Ganksta NIP and Klondike Kat. We'd go with Kat. His hands look like barrels of cold meat.
Street Military: KB da Kidnappa in a monster battle with Pharaoh on account of the fact that he'd probably utilize his pet snake (an actual snake, not his penis) like Jake the Snake" Roberts used to.
UGK: Bun B. Easy. Pimp, though, would absolutely dominate the "Shit Talking Olympics." It'd be an annihilation.
"Same Ol' G":
Is there a better Houston adlib right now than the wintry "GRIIITTTT Booooyyyy" refrain? We contend that there is not. It's just fun to say. Say it. Do it. Do it now.
Thanks for the support. Have a hate-filled weekend.