Wanna Make $100? Kill This Guy's Drummer.
- Does not put his '70s-style fills in the proper spot - they're always half a beat ahead or behind, "depending on how much he's been drinking."
- Rips shirt off and flexes muscles during wedding gigs when band is supposed to be playing Air Supply, Carpenters and Anne Murray covers. But, hey, "Chicks dig the pecs, dude!"
- Shows up late to practice, won't load in his gear without help, needs smoke break every 15 minutes and is prone to leaving early with women who are "so fine, I can't say no, and she knows record people dude, so it's for the band!"
- Calls brother at midnight to play "some damned jazz fusion album from 1981" and asks where he can get some weed.
- Farts onstage so the drum mikes can pick it up. Actually, that's pretty funny.
- Inconsistent timekeeping: "I am tired of [him] kicking off slow ballads at well under 80 bpm only to have them morph into the methamphetamine version of 'Flight of the Bumblebee' because that's the tempo he 'feels' it at."
- Must carry jumper cables to gigs: "'Dude, I must have left the dome light on again.'"
- Won't stop asking when he'll get a drum solo. Lock and load.
- Doesn't pick up checks at restaurants: "'That chick must have stole my wallet, man, but it was worth it because she was a phreak.'"