Turning the Screw: Bertell, Skillz, Diddy, Teddy Riley, Kid Sister, The Kanye, Cudi, Raekwon, Reflection Eternal and More

Welcome back to Turning the Screw, Rocks Off's weekly rap post. It probably won't rhyme, at least most of the time. E-mail tips to introducingliston@gmail.com. Thanks, homies.

Single of the Week: "She Bad," Bertell feat. Bun B

Wire to Wire

Before we get started with beginning this year's goofiness, Skillz has a pretty entertaining rapping recap of 2009. For the record, we'd like to say that is was a right awful year; it felt like a 365-day ass-kicking.

Now, to business: If you could pick any one person in the entire world to play the voice of Jesus in a cartoon, who would it be? Why Lil' Wayne, of course. And yes, there will be a musical rendition of "Ghetto Commandments." Make no mistake: we'll gladly make fun of this turn of events, but there is no way on earth that we're missing it.

Bow Wow was tweeting. (Not impressive.) While he was drunk. (Okay, okay.) While he was driving. (Now we're talking.) In a Lamborghini. (Holy ess.)

Diddy is suing the landlords of the building that houses the flagship Sean John store because some scaffolding is blocking people's view of the store. The lawsuit states that the scaffolding costs the store money in potential sales. You know what else costs Sean John potential sales? The fact that their clothes are awful.

Henry Adaso counted down the 50 best songs of 2009. He got about 43 of them wrong, but still.

Teddy Riley has been accused of beating his children. Maybe he's meaning to flip this into a proper amount of buzz for an upcoming tour? From now, this will be referred to as The Chris Brown Corollary.

Kid Sister linked up with PETA, which was almost certainly preceded by the following exchange:

Kid Sister's PR: Hey, Kid Sister wants to work with you all on something.

PETA: Who?

KSPR: You know, she had that song with Kanye West a ways back.

PETA: Oh, you mean "Knock You Down"? I love that song.

KSPR: No, no. That's Keri Hilson. Kid Sister is a female rapper, kinda weird.

PETA: The one that sang "Umbrella"?

KSPR: That's Rihanna.

PETA: "Poker Face"?

KSPR: Lady Gaga.

PETA: "American Boy"?

KSPR: Ugh. Estelle.

PETA: The one who did those commercials for us?

KSPR: Oh c'mon. That's Sarah McLachlan. You're not even trying now. Kid Sister... light brown skin... music is real bouncy.

PETA: Ah, you're talking about Santigold. She was good. What happened to her?

KSPR: Jesus Christ.

If you were concerned that The Kanye might rub off on Kid Cudi a bit too much, then you pretty much called it.

Ooh, ooh, ooh: New mixtape from Raekwon, who, in case you didn't notice, was a Top 5 MC in 2009. Also, new tape from Reflection Eternal. Solid, solid stuff.

Sadly, DJ Omega died of cancer.

Drag-on made DMX cry, and he didn't even have to stab him or anything.

Nelly had his house broken into, and now he's offering $10,000 for anyone who offers information leading to an arrest. If the guy that robbed Nelly's house turned himself in, would he get that reward? That's a serious question. Somebody please answer it.

The Kanye did some volunteer work this holiday season. And he made sure you heard about all it.

Video of the Mary J. Blige domestic dispute is out there. There are a bunch of jokes that could be made here. We're going to refrain, both from linking to and making fun of it, because that's low-down. That's the main reason we didn't link to those divorce papers that belonged to Beyonce's parents a few weeks back. Now, can you please help us down off this high horse here? Thanks.

Houston Rap Video of the Week

Because you either missed it or forgot about it:

"H.O.U.S.T.O.N.," GT Mayne

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