Beasting Off the Riesling: The Most Ridiculous Lyrics of 2009, Part 2

New Kids on the Block, "Dirty Dancing"

"It's so crazy/ She's like 'Baby'/ I'm like Swayze"

One would think that the last thing the somewhat revitalized New Kids on the Block (or is that NKOTB?) would want to do is remind people that it's not 1987 anymore. Perhaps, however, we shouldn't think of "Dirty Dancing" as an early-2009, anachronistic attempt by a bunch of 40-year-olds to stay relevant to teens. We should just think of it as a prophetic tribute to Patrick Swayze, sadly a ghost before his time.

4. Pitbull, "I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho)"

"Now watch me make a movie like Albert Hitchcock"

Though imdb has plenty of information on another, similarly named director, it doesn't have much on this Albert Hitchcock guy, so one wonders what kind of films he makes. Perhaps ones involving randy Miami rappers doing a whole lot of poorly researched name-dropping?

3. Lady Gaga, "LoveGame"

"Let's have some fun/ This beat is sick/ I want to take a ride on your disco stick"

The literal roots of "disco stick" remain something of a mystery. Is it something like a glow stick? A pogo stick? As far as sexual metaphors aimed at appealing to very young children, however, it somehow bests Lil Wayne's "Lollipop," 50 Cent's "Amusement Park" and Lil Kim's "Magic Stick." Bravo, Gaga!

2. 3OH!3, "Don't Trust Me"

"Shush girl/ Shut your lips/ Do the Helen Keller/ And talk with your hips"

Halfway through the writing of "Don't Trust Me," the members of 3OH!3 apparently called a meeting. "Sure, we're already referring to the song's female protagonist as a 'ho,' which is pretty offensive, considering we're white guys," imparted singer Sean Foreman. "But is there a way we could step it up a little? Like, maybe reference the most beloved disabled figure of all time in a derogatory manner?" "It's not going to be easy," said partner Nathaniel Motte. "But I've got an idea."

1. Jeremih, "Birthday Sex"

"We can float on top my waterbed/ You close your eyes as I improv between your legs"

What is this, Second City? The Groundlings? Where, exactly, can one take a class in this particular brand of improv?

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