Werewolves Got Fingered: The 5 Worst Movies (Besides Twilight: New Moon) With the Best Soundtracks

By John Seaborn Gray Thu., Nov. 12 2009 at 7:30 AM

Categories: Lists

Good news, all you fans of condensed screen versions of self-indulgent Mormon vampire pseudo-erotic clit-tease fantasies: Twilight: New Moon is being released in only eight days. Rocks Off, accustomed to scorn from literary snobs for his steadfast support of the Harry Potter series, actually picked up the first Twilight novel in a Barnes & Noble once, fully expecting to like it.

After the first six pages, however, we were disgusted enough with Bella's asinine, unlikable prattling to unceremoniously shove the book back onto the bookstore shelf, to be purchased by someone with considerably lower standards for their protagonists.

The first movie was just as terrible, if not more so, and the sequel looks only slightly better (they've hired a cinematographer whose color palette extends beyond "grayish"). But here's the thing: the soundtrack is fucking terrific. Godawful movies wind up with amazing soundtracks more often than you might expect, and here are just a few examples.

The Doom Generation

The script for the Doom Generation, if it even had one, would read like something an angry 13-year-old bisexual Goth kid would scrawl across his binder, subsequently leaving it somewhere his parents would find it, on purpose. It has all the things a good "fuck it all" movie is supposed to have; nihilism, sex, violence and a loud soundtrack.

Unfortunately only the loud soundtrack is any good, since it has what the movie itself lacks: thematic coherence, logic and heart. Hell, you could probably make a better story arc if you attempted to tie the plots of all these songs together. A mélange of techno-industrial tunes from artists like Medicine, Curve, Meat Beat Manifesto, and the Jesus and Mary Chain, the soundtrack propels and provides an atmosphere the film sorely lacks.