Lone Star Scorecard: What Do Chris Rea, Webb Pierce and the Flamin' Groovies Know About Texas?

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There are a million songs in the naked [Lone Star] state. Some - okay, most - are boastful, some are introspective and some are merely stupid, as the Austin Lounge Lizards once noted. Whatever the case, all must be subjected to the rigorours scrutiny of the Lone Star Scorecard in order to make sure no one is spreading falsehoods, which would besmirch the honor of the brave settlers who revolted against the Mexican government so they could continue owning slaves.

Chris Rea, "Texas"

Man, England must be really going down the tubes if the Rea family is considering coming to Texas to escape rising tensions at home. Or maybe they just want to move someplace where they can shoot people on their neighbors' property.

Webb Pierce, "Driftin' Texas Sand"

We're happy to report that, thanks to recent rainfalls, less than 1 percent of the state remains under "exceptional" drought conditions. Meaning there should be less of that sand around for you to be buried under.

And you really don't want to be buried in sand, anyway. Coyotes can dig pretty deep.

The Flamin' Groovies, "Headin' for the Texas Border"

Far be it from us to correct a band that seems to have a pathological aversion to lowercase 'g's, but let's see if we have this right: your journey to the border ("to avoid the law") is going to take you from Houston to... El Paso? You realize that's over 700 miles - or halfway to Los Angeles?

You're better of heading for Nuevo Laredo; it's only 320 miles away and has better donkey shows.


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