Five Spot: Jigga, Skiing, Gay Sex and Swishahouse

Welcome back to Five Spot. Every Friday, we'll examine a recent bit of music news and list five reasons why it's either brilliant or dumb-assed. Send tips to

We've got this notebook that we carry around pretty much everywhere with us. A few bullets from there before we get into the videos.

  • Skippy-dippy do! Jay-Z just announced new tour dates, and guess which major Texas metropolitan area landed a show? Yep. You got it: Dallas! (Oh, yeah, Houston scored a spot, too - February 22 at Toyota Center.)
  • usaual suspects.jpg
    We've been having some trouble sleeping lately. The world is a different place between 2 a.m. and 5 a.m. Like, if you stay up late enough, the line-up of movies on the premium channels (Showtime, Starz, Encore, etc) invariably turns to one of two subjects: wacky movies about skiing and soft-core porn. The porn we were expecting, but skiing? Is that the other thing night owls are interested in? Did not see that coming. And what's weirder, you have to watch them both. You can't turn on a movie about skiing at not watch, somehow. It's impossible.
  • To that last point, there is no way to buy anything from Wal-Mart at three in the morning without it looking like you're involved in some crazy gay-sex orgy. That's just the way it always looks to the cashiers: "A shower rod? It's 3 a.m., man. You're so going to put this in your butt," their eyes say.
  • Right around this time last month we mentioned a then-forthcoming tape from Swishahouse called The Usual Suspects. It's since been released and we've since digested it a few times. While songs from the big names were mostly stuff we'd heard before, there were a few unexpected points on it.

Namely, these five:

"Already Home," Jay-Z feat. Kid Cudi

Not sure why this was on it, save the fact that it sounds great Screwed. It's a nice tie-in to link that Jigga talk in the first bullet point with The Usual Suspects bullet, though. Now if we could just attach that gay sex thing to this somehow, everything'd come together nicely. Oh, we got it: Kid Cudi. (Ohhhh! Face, Cudi.)

"U Like"

A Keith Sweat "Make It Last Forever" sample, Coota? And you've got Z-Ro singing the sample? Well, you've got yourself a winner, sir.

"Fresher Than A Peppermint," Lil Keke, Slim Thug, Paul Wall, Dorrough*

No. NO. NO! Not you too, Keke.

Admittedly, this song is super-catchy. But, c'mon, Ke. A peppermint? A friggin' peppermint? That's what we've come to? From Don't Mess Wit Texas, one of the greatest Houston rap records to ever be made, to songs where the thesis involves candy-based similes? Get money, we suppose.

To be more positive about this, Paul Wall kinda goes off here. We'll probably make fun until the end of time, but there's something to be said about how effective he is on these types of tracks. He even outshines Dorrough, who was crafted by God himself with sole purpose of wrecking on music like this. Kudos, Mr. Wall. You win this round. *The actual version from The Usual Suspects features Yung Redd on it.

"Streets Love Me," Big Sig, Slim Thug, Chalie Boy

Wait. We're confused. So do the streets love you or not? Because you guys didn't say that near enough.

"Girlfriend," Coota Bang

Hell yes. Why aren't more rappers sampling Supertramp? "TX Latin Mic Pass," Coast and Lil' Young

Three things:

  • If you're going to do a rap song, and you know that song is going to be Screwed at some point, make sure you call Coast. The man is fly for a hook.
  • This tape was the first time we ever gave Lil' Young a thorough listen through. He's got some admirable qualities, we're fine admitting that. But he still has the worst rap name in the history of rap names.
  • Like most of these kinds of thing, the tape just sort of places through with no break between the songs so you always end up listening to more than one song. These one eventually leads to a track by Surreall, the cackly First Lady of Swishahouse. She's got a line bragging about her suitors that says something about how she's "got three Drakes and a Plies too." That's funny.

Thank you for your support. Have a safe weekend.

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